Biggest fool on earth

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Biggest fool on earth
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 7:37pm


Just looking for your feedback on this?

I have just split up with my boyfriend of 5 years. For the first 2 years we had what I considered a good, regular sex life although I was a virgin when we met and he sometimes commented that I did not fully "let go" during sex.

WE had a long didtance relatuonship and met up every 4-6 weeks. To all our friends and families we had a perfect relationship. WE got on very well, best friends, found each other very funny and he constantly told me how much he loved me, how gorgeous I was etc. In fact it was embarassing for my friends and family as he was constantly draped around me and kissing me. I enjoyed it but it began to anny me as it was never followed up in the bedroom. From one visit to the next, 2 years into our relationship, he lost interest in me sexually. I was always the one who had to initiate sex and he avoided it as far as he could. Eventually it got too embarassing for me and I stopped. He never wanted to talk about it although I brought it up several times, crying , saying to him, I cant cope with this, you say you love me but you love me like a sister, not a lover. He always promised to do something about it but did nt. I have to admit that I was insecure about the fact that he did nt fancy me and so I backed away from trying to do something about it myself. We talked about babies and our future lives together regularly. He know I wanted babies and he said he did too, although I sometimes commented that it woudn't be possible without sex. In hindsight I was stupid but I loved him so much and believed him when he told me he loved me. We were long distance for 4.5 years and talked on the phone for an hour everyday, we were best friends. I moved to his country, leaving a good job, my friends and family (to whom I am close) 8 months ago. The transition was very hard for me due to language difference, a tough new job, not having any friends etc. And we still did nt have sex. I began to resent him, constant fights....we came back from holiday in april and I had asked him to either do something about the problem or let us break up now... he promised to do something, did not want us to break up.. I gave him a deadline of 6 months as I said I needed to have 1 year in this job for my cv

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 06-22-2008 - 10:25pm

"Did he ever love me? Can a man lie beside the woman he is supposed to love and not have sex for that long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 11:21am

It is definitely possible that he loved you. But the only thing that matters is that he was not able to love you the way you needed to be loved. Love is never enough. Relationships take much more than that to work long term.

I'm sorry you had to go through this but you will be alright one day. Just be careful not to repeat the pattern or to go to the other extreme! Those are very real dangers after such a challenging experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Mon, 06-23-2008 - 10:25pm

Welcome to the board.

I don't think you should so much be upset that he might be going after someone else, rather than pitying the next person that finds themselves in this situation with him, being made to feel like the problem is with them, rather than him. Just be thankful that you are out of this now, and you can go on to repair your broken heart and find someone that you are more compatible with. Learn some things from this experience - make sure there is open dialogue about sex, and all aspects of your relationship with your next partner, talk to each other about your expectations about sex and intimacy, and make sure you touch base with each other on a regular basis, rather than expecting them to know you want sex and when.

Can a man lie next to a woman he loves, and not want sex with her? Yes he can. I've been there myself. You can try to analyze and guess all the reasons that he didn't desire sex with you, but it won't get you anywhere. He simply may not have desired sex that much.