Confused & rejected

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2009
Confused & rejected
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 10:27am

So I've been going out with someone for a month and a half now. He's almost 40, I'm 10 years younger.

I noticed the first few times we had sex that he didn't always cum. Didn't say anything right away cause it's a sensitive issue for a lot of people. When I mentioned it (after feeling severely rejected for the millionth time), he said he didn't know what the problem is. That in his last relationship, that was very long, his g/f only wanted sex about once a month. Then he was single for a year, with barely any sex. He thought maybe he just isn't used to so much sex (a few times a week!).

So I said okay, we'll work through it. He seems to be enjoying himself regardless, and I always do.

But now, a few weeks later, we're down to once a week. After a month and a half! He just doesn't attempt anythign sexual, although he is very loving and we have a wonderful relationship besides this very large issue. I feel like we should be having sex at least once a day at this point in the relationship, but I am sympathetic to his problem. I just can't bear to have sex once a week for the rest of my life! Or, more like, once a month, since it's already so bad after only a month and a half.

I just feel like I can't talk to him about this because I don't want to pressure him any more, he obsiously feels pressured already. Are we doomed? What should I do? I don't think I have a particularly high libido, but I feel so rejected every evening we go to sleep with just a good night kiss..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 12:15pm


This is where communication skills are crucial. You need to be able to communicate about this in a way that is not pressuring. Clearly, you have very different expectations about how things should be. Having unspoken expectations is always a dangerous position to be in.

You need to figure out what his expectations are for now and for the future. If they don't match and you can't find a realistic way to compromise on them, then maybe this is not the right relationship for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 3:27pm

I agree with mag - I think you need to figure out what his expectations are for now and for the future and determine whether they match with your own. That will help you to better decide the next step.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2009
Thu, 03-05-2009 - 7:00pm


I always think it is so sweet when I hear a woman saying this! For every one woman who says this, there are 10,000 men who are saying this...

What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
What I hear most woman say to men who are wanting more sex is this: You just need to have more self-control, stop being so horny and adjust to your significant other's level.

I'M KIDDING! I've always wanted to say that to a woman, however, because that is the kind of advice I hear women give to men (and it drives me nuts!).

Okay, time to be serious. Listen to your girl-friends on the forum here. You need to communicate your needs and make sure you listen carefully to his needs. Just remember, in a healthy relationship there are always compromises.


Life is good... but with God it's even better!

Edited 3/5/2009 7:01 pm ET by eyuop
Life is good... but with God it's even better!