feel empty and unwanted

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2008
feel empty and unwanted
7
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 5:36pm
I have been with my fella for about three yrs now and most of it weve had sexual probs, in form of him not being willing to participate in sexual intercourse as much as id like. Literally every fight weve had is about him not giving me as much sex as id want. This results in making me feel unwanted and freaklike. He cant always raise to the occasion, and has been to dr only couple times about this as he is embarrassed, despite my support. He has also had problem of not being able to climax sometimes and not eager to climax and he would need sex fraction of times id want it.
Because of this and the fact he kept promising to compramise, i have ended our relationship. I have had very little feedback from him and its made me mad. Ifeel all i have felt for him was nothing and he has to be told what to do...When we do make love i have to instigate it and i feel im taking somethin from him.
Icant watch love scenes on tv. It makes me feel im not the normal and everyone elses husbands want them... I am a very sexual person and very emotional and feel he just pulls a switch and i have to shutoff, which i cant cos im a very tactile and emotional person...
I know i have probably done the right thing saying its over but weve been here lots of times before and he talks me round promising love and raising my hopes... i feel so sad and alone
any advice and kind words PLEASE>>> I feel terrible xx x x
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 6:57pm

In the long run, I think you did the right thing. The problem is it really hurts in the short term. But without him in your life, you're free to develop yourself more...to become the person you want to become in every way: sexually, socially, emotionally, intellectually. And then you'll be attracting men that are like the new and improved you as well. And if you're careful, you'll find a man that has similar sexual interests and wants to yours.


I wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 7:48am

Well I wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 11:40am
Try to be strong. It hurts now but you're opening your life back up to the possibility of happiness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2008
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 12:05pm
thankyou for your kind words...been crying alot today and miss things about him but know things wont change, cant change...just feel sad and full of loss...trying to look fwd now
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 8:43pm

Stay the course! It will get better. I broke up with a LL person for all the same reasons you describe (including ED) and it initially SUCKED. Esp. when we decided to continue cohabitating for a couple months to fulfill our lease. I delayed breaking it off for about a year, because I knew how much of my life would shift, and I was afraid...we had lived together for 3 years and my only friends in the city where we lived were other couples he worked with. I knew I wouldn't be DELIBERATELY ostracized, but just by being the ex and single, not part of the same circle anymore.

As far as friendship and companionship, he was the best...I knew I would miss that...but also knew that in the long term, what I wanted was a true boyfriend and someone who acted like it, not a BFF and roomie.

Being single and in an apt with a female roommate, feeling that work was my whole life, was tough! I finally realized it was up to me to get my life on track, and did so with exercise, activities I enjoyed, church, and a better work/pers life balance. New friendships quickly followed. In a little over a year, I was in a place where I attracted a great person I've now been with for a year! We are sexually compatible and it is great. It was well worth everything I went through.

So, know that it does get better...and there are PLENTY of guys out there who are proactive about their health, and have higher libidos for you. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2008
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 7:22am
hi mandarin orange one, it makes me feel so much better that i am not alone...for a long time i felt i was being selfish or greedy.
i feel a bit better, its been six days and normally by now im back in his arms, him giving me what i want for a few days and then back to norm and the fights...so i am pleased i have lasted this long.
he has emailed me to say he has been to dr and he is sorry and so on...the thing is ive heard it all before...
pleased for you that youve found someone so great...lucky u and you deserve to be happy too xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Fri, 10-16-2009 - 1:01am

Hang in there! It was sooo tough in those initial days after breaking up. We were cohabitating still and I still wanted a hug/embrace goodnight from him, before I departed for the bedroom and he for the couch. I was the impetus for the break up, and then in a week was the first one to second guess the whole thing.

Fortunately I stayed the course, and made the break stick. I lucked out bigtime with a short contract to work out west for 6 weeks, getting me out of the apt and out of town. I also read all the Harry Potter books. Probably more escapist than helpful, but it build that time/distance I needed to gain a newer, brighter perspective on life and love.