Feels So Contrived and Artificial?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Feels So Contrived and Artificial?
9
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 10:17pm
HL here, 42, female, married 21 years, two teenagers still at home, hubby is 57 and LL. April 3 was the last time we got anything going here. He claims to still have interest and the desire to continue to have an intimate life, but lately, I've just given up caring about it, after tormenting myself for years. My query is, is it just me, or after long stretches of inactivity, does it just feel completely contrived and fake to get back into it? I feel that way especially when he'll say throughout the day, "we need to go to bed early tonight and get something going", when it's so preplanned and staged like that, it feels artificial and awkward to startup again. Crazy as it may be, I want him to feel something and act on it without having to talk himself into it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:03pm

" My query is, is it just me, or after long stretches of inactivity, does it just feel completely contrived and fake to get back into it? "


It can feel awkward with as little as a week's time depending on how the overall intimacy in the relationship feels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-1998
Tue, 07-01-2008 - 11:44pm
Thank you Trying for your replies, as my SO will be 52 in a couple weeks. What you say makes a lot of sense. I know he doesn't think I'm "ugly" and I know he doesn't have anyone else, but sex just isn't as "effortless" as it was when I was younger and with younger guys....it's hell to get old, lol ;^)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 9:34am

Blonde,

I went through the same thing with my SO. Actually started saying no thanks. Then I though well who am I hurting and why. So I said well since I can't have sex with anyone else and she is offering I might as well.

Yes it feels a little contrived, yes it's less than ideal but hey it beats taking matters into my own hands. That said I give her credit for making an effort. I see that our relationship is important enough to her that she is making an effort. Maybe if we do this enough sex will be important to her and she will evolve. I don't know. I'm learning to take it one day at a time.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 10:09am
...having 3 children, 3 grandchildren, a large yard and a house that is too big and every child activity imaginable, if we didn't plan and set aside time for us, we wouldn't have sex...planning is key...if the inevitable happens and the skies part and angels sing and we end up alone and we can have sex anytime, anyplace...that's great...but, the skies don't part and the angles don't sing often...as a matter of fact, we wake up earlier and have "our" time before the others wake up...it's a given...and, it works wonderfully...


Edited 7/2/2008 10:09 am ET by monicaluvsbobalot
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 3:46pm
Someone else said it, but, Damn, aging sucks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 3:51pm

I will probably end up heading down the path you mentioned of, get what you can, when you can, but it's still not easy to come to terms with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 5:59pm

"Thank you Trying for your replies, as my SO will be 52 in a couple weeks. What you say makes a lot of sense. I know he doesn't think I'm "ugly" and I know he doesn't have anyone else, but sex just isn't as "effortless" as it was when I was younger and with younger guys....it's hell to get old, lol ;^) "


You're welcome Jezibelle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 6:05pm

>>>Love the name by the way!

Thanks! too young to be a dirty old man and to old to be chasing young girls.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 6:08pm

"Someone else said it, but, Damn, aging sucks!!