Greetings

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Greetings
10
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 9:12am

Hi, I have been off and on this board going back to the "clashing libido" days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Wed, 08-26-2009 - 3:01pm

...she now has trouble with natural lubrication.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Fri, 08-28-2009 - 2:32pm

We have tried lubricants but she finds them irritating...


Are you talking about a

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Sun, 08-30-2009 - 10:41pm

Well, first off I would start with being grateful that the mismatch is uncomfortable, not dire, and that your wife is yummy and a good sport. You're doing okay right there! I second HB's suggestion to keep trying different lubes, do some googling, etc. Assuming you mean irritate in the sense of "ouch" versus "what a PITA," which is harder to address. I wish there were a tactful way of telling your wife, "I'm around attractive women all day, including you, and I need warm happy wifely sex to keep me undistracted and cheerful." Great care needs to be taken in this conversation. I personally am subjectively feeling fairly yummy myself these days, but I would feel totally unsexy if I thought I was in competition with twenty year olds.

I could share what worked for me but I don't know if it would help you much. We both got on a fitness regime including eating very well + weight training. I don't know if it was the testerone boost for him or the weight loss for me. Before I was the more interested spouse, but now I am in the happy position of being groped regularly and sometimes having to plead the need for sleep. Resistance training does increase testosterone which might help if your wife is open to the idea. In our case I think it boosted his desire (hormones) and my desirability, so that worked out pretty nicely. Like you we were not that far apart and he has been a good sport. We run about 2-3 times a week which seems to work out well for me. I have had times of feeling like a bottomless pit sexually but it's like food, after you've been fed on time for a while you stop feeling so greedy. Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:01am

I wish there were a tactful way of telling your wife, "I'm around attractive women all day, including you, and I need warm happy wifely sex to keep me undistracted and cheerful." Great care needs to be taken in this conversation.


Great point! Is there a way we can start a chainletter through which women send this message to each other about their marriages, rather than make the husband do it and then do a week in the doghouse for stating the obvious and necessary?


...I would feel totally unsexy if I thought I was in competition with twenty year olds.


Isn't that always the case? Even for yummy twenty-year-olds? Do even yummy twenty-year-olds feel totally unsexy about the competition?


I could share what worked for me but I don't know if it would help you much. We both got on a fitness regime including eating very well + weight training...


You know, this kind of idea has occurred to my to improve my ML situation, but how do you tell a woman you'd like

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 8:21am

Thanks for your response, it was very helpful!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 4:34pm

Isn't that always the case? Even for yummy twenty-year-olds? Do even yummy twenty-year-olds feel totally unsexy about the competition?

Very curious...I have felt the exact opposite lately (BTW I am decidely not yummy and have the years of TWO twenty somethings behind me). The fact that DW does not even look at anyone else is a bit disconcerting to me...I have always had a competitive nature, and like to think that I am constantly winning affection (with the appropriate spoils of victory, of course). If the guy I beat is sexy, that makes me, presumably, even more so.


To analogize, as we are all so fond of doing, I just don't think it's fun playing a game if the other team lets you win...or in this case, if the referee is entirely biased in your favour. ;)

---------------------------------------------------


FREE TIBET! *


* - with the purchase of one Tibet of equal or greater value


---------------------------------------------------

FREE TIBET! *

* - with the purchase of one Tibet of equal or greater value

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 4:40pm

>>I just don't think it's fun playing a game if the other team lets you win...or in this case, if the referee is entirely biased in your favour. ;)<<

This is why a strange guy scoping me out, or paying me a compliment has much higher value than DH doing the same thing. DH is biased, and he has an agenda. Strange guy, not so much...well, he may have an agenda, but I am free to assume the agenda is only getting a 'hot chick' into the sack. Whereas with DH it is not so much getting a 'hot chick' into the sack, as it is 'getting some from the only source available'

I know, it's wrong, but it is how it feels to me....

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 5:57pm

Funny, I'm actually pleased to have the Ref biased in my favor. For some reason compliments from my DH make me feel happier than getting checked out by strangers. He is affectionate but not effusive so maybe I value them more for that reason.

Grumpydad, I get where you're coming from. Your wife is beautiful, willing, and kind, so you're doing okay, but you know I bet she is too. You sound like a loving and sensual person (not to mention loyal)and she is lucky to have you. There have been times when I felt like I was conducting a major romance by myself :) and that's when I stop and think, Well to hell with you, buddy! My husband actually seems to be pretty attached to my enthusiasm and good opinion and I suspect your wife is as well. Maybe loosen up a bit and don't take it quite so to heart? Also, maybe try talking her into some personal training :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 7:06pm

This is why a strange guy scoping me out, or paying me a compliment has much higher value than DH doing the same thing. DH is biased, and he has an agenda. Strange guy, not so much...well, he may have an agenda, but I am free to assume the agenda is only getting a 'hot chick' into the sack. Whereas with DH it is not so much getting a 'hot chick' into the sack, as it is 'getting some from the only source available'

I know, it's wrong, but it is how it feels to me....

Explain to me why this would be wrong...and the answer cannot be "because people say it is".

---------------------------------------------------


FREE TIBET! *


* - with the purchase of one Tibet of equal or greater value


---------------------------------------------------

FREE TIBET! *

* - with the purchase of one Tibet of equal or greater value

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
In reply to: oldgrumpydad
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 7:40pm

scondfiddlecj said: The fact that DW does not even look at anyone else is a bit disconcerting to me...I have always had a competitive nature, and like to think that I am constantly winning affection (with the appropriate spoils of victory, of course). If the guy I beat is sexy, that makes me, presumably, even more so.


Once again you have written as if you could read the words written on the inside of my skull...right out of my own head that thought is.


mirandarr8 said: This is why a strange guy scoping me out, or paying me a compliment has much higher value than DH doing the same thing. DH is biased, and he has an agenda...with DH it is not so much getting a 'hot chick' into the sack, as it is 'getting some from the only source available'


Maybe mating in captivity is just too difficult to sustain for very long *shrug*. From my point of view, I'd prefer a woman who fervidly wants sex with anyone to a woman who coldly wants none. Perhaps this is why I fantasize about my wife having sex with