Help me understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2013
Help me understand
13
Tue, 04-16-2013 - 8:06am

Hello everybody,

I am a 25 year old HL female and my boyfriend of almost a year is a 40 year old LL. This morning he told me at the end of the day we'll go to a sex store nearby to see if anything can get his L back. This sex store is in his neighborhood and I have never been there before. I have wanted to go with him for awhile to make life in the bedroom more exciting. I'm glad he's finally showing interest in going. He said he would be frustrated too if he were in my shoes. However, I have this gut feeling that it won't solve anything. I always thought sex stores were good for couples who have an active sex life and want to spice it up even more. Am I wrong? I don't remember the last time we had sex. We don't have much of a sex life. I initiate most of the time and get turned down most of the time. When we do have sex it's straightforward and boring. I was feeling very horny yesterday and when my boyfriend texted me while I was at work telling me what time he'd be home, I texted him back letting him know that I wanted to have sex with him that night. I was feeling very confident and hornier than usual. I just knew the sex would be good because I was feeling so frisky. When he came home I didn't pounce on him or anything...we had dinner, watched TV, and then I started to come onto him. We went into the bedroom and tried, but he couldn't get an erection and that was the end of that. This is just an example. He was telling me he doesn't know why he doesn't feel it anymore. I brought up Viagra and told him that's an option and he should never be ashamed of it. He said he doesn't need Viagra. So am I the problem? He says he's attracted to me so I don't think that's the issue. He shows he cares about me in all other ways. It's just that I need to have a vibrant sex life because it makes me feel so good. I am also crazy about my boyfriend! I find him so sexy and attractive, I just want to enjoy him and have fun.

I am having a hard time understanding LL men. I am a young, attractive woman who has clearly showed an interest in improving our sex life and trying new things. My boyfriend is showing an interest now, but that's because last night was a flop. I don't think it bothers him that he is LL or else he would have done something about it sooner. What does it feel like for a LL man? Shouldn't he want to touch, kiss, and make love to his girlfriend often? My former boyfriend had a hard time getting an erection and he didn't hesitate to see his doctor and get Viagra to help our sex life. He was very proactive. The ironic thing is...I didn't want to have a lot of sex with my ex boyfriend because there was an attraction issue. There was chemistry lacking on my part and that is one reason why I broke it off.

I am very attracted to my current boyfriend. It's hard for me to keep my hands and lips off him. He does show affection towards me, but he doesn't throw himself at me...where I throw myself at him. I have gotten better and have controlled myself because I don't always want to come on too strong.

He's in tune to my feelings and needs, which is good. And him suggesting we finally go to that store is a step in the right direction I suppose. I don't know what to do if it doesn't work. He's overweight and smokes...those could be issues. But I would never try to get him to lose weight and quit smoking. I would suggest it, but it's his choice obviously.

Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

 

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 1:52am

Yep, I had to leave out the same "l" word for THAT one to post.  If they don't want us to use the word, why does the board name CONTAIN that word?  So dumb!!!!!!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Thu, 05-02-2013 - 12:32am

I'm with the same guy for 42 years now, and he's had his share of problems at times.  For him, the first time he HAD a problem, he then expected the same problem again....and if you do that, it's bound to happen.  And it did.  I gently suggested he not worry so much about it and added I wasn't worried, he was just stressed out, and pretty soon all was well.  I don't know, I think that erection is such a major thing for men that any problem at all becomes Mt. Everest - we women can't quite relate.  I don't recommend comparing him in your mind to your past boyfriend anymore, where will that get you?  Even if it sounds like it's originally his idea to visit the toy shop, he still might feel uncomfortable doing so, even if he SAYS otherwise.  He may already be dealing with a blow to his ego and at the same time wants to make you happy in the bedroom.  Also it sounds like your "style" is different from his, and there's nothing terribly wrong about that, I have no doubt that happens all the time.  If he's overweight and smokes, yep, it can be having a negative effect here, so let him pick the doctor, and I'll bet it'll be a male - been there!!!  He's only 40, but am I maybe hearing a guy who's scared?  Who wants to please you so much it's throwing off his game?  Sex toys can be lots of fun, as can sex videos - a video can get your motor humming big time, and I think lots of guys CAN be okay with sex toys as long as they get you off in the end - my DH has said nothing is sexier to a man than a woman really enjoying herself in his bed.  I'm sure there are 40-year old guys who develop issues, but I doubt he's happy with the problem, either.  Encourage him to get solid feedback from a doctor of his choosing, and don't go expecting a visit to a sex story to bring about miracles, it'll just cause anxiety.  I think he's anxious enough.  You don't have to be a perfect match to enjoy a sex life together, I'll bet most of us aren't.  But that said, it can always be improved, too. 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2008
Fri, 05-03-2013 - 5:01pm
I was having a similar problem with my relationship. It took me finding a Dr. and making an appt to change things. All is wonderful now.

Pages