He's blaming me for his low libido
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|Wed, 06-11-2008 - 7:56pm|
Hi Im new to this post...I don't know what possessed me to choose this name, I realized it sounds more like a porn site but I can't find the edit button...so lonelyfox it is LOL
I've been having a rough time with my DH for a while now. I'm 39 he's 34, married for 2 years, have one kid and another on the way. When we met sex was great, and very frequent though I did notice he usually only initiated at the same time every night, when all was out of the way. It seemed as if it was last thing on the list a bit but it wasn't that big a deal. The frequency began to change from every other day to every 4 days and we hadn't even been married a year then. I had been used to every other day relationships and I felt it was too sudden too soon in the marriage. We discussed it a bit, I felt rejected a lot by his answers, put me in the role of the beggar as I was trying different ways to spice things up to no avail. The past few months it changed to once a week if that and currently he stopped inititating altogether. The only time we have sex seems to be shortly after a heated argument about it, otherwise, he'd rather watch tv or surf the net. He doesn't even seem to masturbate.
I really doubt he's having any affair, our therapist told me as much. He says it's me. That I bring it up and when I don't he senses that I want it, or he sees it on my face and there's too much riding on it. He says he feels pressure and it makes him not want to. Other times he says I don't initiate enough. Kind of difficult when you know the other person isn't into it. He does say that he is attracted to me and loves me and if he felt differently he would surely tell me.
Well...first, there have been weeks where I didn't mention or hint to it and nothing has happened, those are the times he's been completely content. Secondly, I'm not that good an actress to feign me being disinterested in sex or not feeling hurt when it doesn't happen. I feel like he's always going to find a way to blame me.
I feel deep down this the way he's wired. I've been in enough relationships. There is no reaction when I get out of the bath, when we go to bed naked he never wants to touch, all I get at best is a joke. He doesn't seem to want any intimacy whatsoever, not verbal, affectionate, sexual. I usually can't help making the first move for affection, and communication. When I try to bring these issues up he always gets defensive and I get v. frustrated that my attempts have only served to pull us apart even further.
I feel like a real loser. I never had a big ego but I had so many men come on to me or tell me how beautiful I was before we got married. I can't imagine feeling this hurt and angry for the rest of my life. And all the annoying little habits of his are magnified by this situation. When you have a good sex life you're not as likely to sweat the small stuff in a relationship.
I don't even know how I feel about him anymore. You get caught up in the pursuing and I don't know what's really left in me.
It's very sad for me since I have a one year old child and I don't want to ruin her life. I don't have any idea of what to do. I'm also pregnant to boot which I'm excited about with or without my DH. I feel like sooner or later I have to let go, and part of me doesn't want to leave it to later since it's an awful realization to carry.
Sorry for the scattered and very long post...just had to let it out.