HLs and Masturbation

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
HLs and Masturbation
20
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 11:08pm

Masturbation has become a hot topic here recently.


As an HL guy, I look at masturbation only as a last resort substitute.


If my wife was readily available I would never masturbate.


The thought that some people (especially LL guys) are denying their women sex, and then taking matters into their own hands and/or preferring porn to live action, makes me cringe.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 12:22am

I am definately the HL in my marriage, and I can certainly say that masturbation is less complex for me than partnered sex.


As far as sexual satisfaction goes, partnered sex is much preferred.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 1:06am

"Would masturbation become obsolete if your partner were readily available?"

For me, yes. My drawer full of men are used to take the edge off and bridge the gap between sessions.

"The thought that some people (especially LL guys) are denying their women sex, and then taking matters into their own hands and/or preferring porn to live action, makes me cringe. I feel for you ladies that have to experience this form of rejection."

Thanks OP. I had to explain why my BFs Maxim was torn to shreds when he got home from work a few months ago. He thought I was jealous. Not jealous. Pi@@ed off that he pleasures himself to them and then is not in the mood for me. 'Oh I just read the articles' was not a believable excuse. The next Maxim that came in the mail had all the pictures torn out. I left all the articles. He never read it. Theory concluded. Liar liar pants on fire. No Maxim for him = more sex for me. Wow...what a surprise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 8:25am


"Thanks OP. I had to explain why my BFs Maxim was torn to shreds when he got home from work a few months ago. He thought I was jealous. Not jealous. Pi@@ed off that he pleasures himself to them and then is not in the mood for me. 'Oh I just read the articles' was not a believable excuse. The next Maxim that came in the mail had all the pictures torn out. I left all the articles. He never read it. Theory concluded. Liar liar pants on fire. No Maxim for him = more sex for me. Wow...what a surprise."

Now I have to say that is just awesome! You made me LOL. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw the computer off the balcony for the very same reason!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2008
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 8:37am


Would masturbation become obsolete if your partner were readily available?

That is an interesting question. I think that if DH and I can find the balance that we are looking for then yes it would become obsolete for me. That said I'm not giving up my "drawer full of men" (and by this I mean toys) but I will promise to share them!

"The image of a lonely, isolated man masturbating to his computer is the Willy Loman metaphor of our decade."

This quote sums it up for me. Masturbation while in a loving committed relationship makes me* feel lonely and isolated. Sure it takes the edge off, sure I have a great imagination and can enjoy fantasy, but when it all comes down to it I want to have fun and enjoy being sexual WITH my husband.

*-I am only speaking for myself here and know there are many who would disagree and that's ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 10:06am
>>...Masturbation while in a loving committed relationship makes me* feel lonely and isolated. Sure it takes the edge off, sure I have a great imagination and can enjoy fantasy, but when it all comes down to it I want to have fun and enjoy being sexual WITH my husband.<<

Amen, Sister! You can speak for me on this, too.


I did hold off on maturbation for the first few months on our decline as orgasms don't come all that easily for me in the first place. Somebody's gotta be touching me there for it to happen at all. I hoped that by holding back on doing what I know can get the job done it would help dh and me find a rythym together and didn't want to be self trained if that makes sense.


I have since decided that holding off only served to make me more resentful. If the urge strikes, I take care of it but yes, if I could count on a steady sexual relationship with dh, I would rarely, if ever, masturbate.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 10:40am

Interesting answers.


Would masturbation become obsolete if your partner were readily available?


No, I enjoy it for it's own sake.


As good as BF is, he'll never do it just how I can do it. I think it makes me want him more sometimes, keeps the pumps primed, as it were. Sometimes I tell him that I did, sometimes I don't. Depending on my mood I find it relaxing, entertaining, invigorating, or sleep inducing.


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 11:09am

It wouldn't become completely "obscolete" but certainly much less frequent!


I've been in long-term/serious relationships in the past where our sex drive was much more in-sync and I very rarely masturbated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2005
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 12:58pm

>>Thanks OP. I had to explain why my BFs Maxim was torn to shreds when he got home from work a few months ago. He thought I was jealous. Not jealous. Pi@@ed off that he pleasures himself to them and then is not in the mood for me. 'Oh I just read the articles' was not a believable excuse. The next Maxim that came in the mail had all the pictures torn out. I left all the articles. He never read it. Theory concluded. Liar liar pants on fire. No Maxim for him = more sex for me. Wow...what a surprise.<<


Ahhh... I travelled down that road before with an ex, lol.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 8:58pm

It would probably not become obsolete, but I do think I would feel differently about it. I prefer partnered sex, and like another poster said, when masturbation is your only option, it is different. It becomes a poor substitute for what we really need. But saying I would never masturbate again just seems silly. It's like saying, now that I have a beach to play on, I will never go to the river, or something arbitrary like that. I just don't always like that it seems like my only option.


Angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 11:38pm

Hmm, Opguy, for me, masturbation would definitely take a huge back step if my partner was willing to have sex with me on demand, his or mine, LOL.

I hadn't masturbated for many years and only turned to it out of severe frustration at my lack of love life with DH. Having rediscovered it, and needing some form of physical release, it has been my lifeline.

BUT, if DH would step back up to the plate, oh yeah, I'd probly eliminate or at least very rarely masturbate. No need for me, then. I LOVED the physical, sensual feeling of man/woman. A cold machine that makes mechanical noises is just NOT the same. Plus, while I get pretty good orgasms from one, my DH made my orgasms out of this world, and endless.

YEAH, I miss making love with a human being/man.

SHBW

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