How do you stop thinking about it ?
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|Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:03pm|
Hi all !
I am so thrilled to have found this board, and so many others going thru this ! I am 30, married 10 years, together 15.....so half my life ! We have 3 young kids (5, 5, 8) I am HL and my DH is increasingly LL, much to my despair. It hasn't always been this way though, and just gets a little worse each year. It's so hard not to second guess yourself and wonder "what's wrong with me" ?
That's why I ask.....how do you stop thinking about sex ? It's on my mind daily, and always has been. The thoughts are just there, and seem normal to me. When we were teenagers, it was on his mind just as much, and we had sex almost daily. My DH thinks it's just me, and that I don't live life in his shoes, so to speak. He says it's normal aging ? He works alot of hours, but to me it's his doing. So many male friends we have told me they would make time for it if their wives were willing. Right now, I have to do most of the initiating, which ends up with me being shot down 60% of the time. (and that REALLY messes with your self esteem) We will have sex once every 10-14 days, on a good streak. Occasionally an extra time will get thrown in there if he somehow gets turned on ! He is just 31, but seems to act so much older when it comes to sex. Even with the kids (except when they were infants) I was always willing. (and I realize this isn't the usual "wife stereotype" which bugs me even more ! I know other men would appreciate me for a wife, so why can't he !?) I have downright told him there is NOTHING I wouldn't be willing to try with him sexually. His response is that he simply has no fantasies. Is this normal ?? He's had more than one physical, but I wasn't there so I don't know if he went into sex, but I doubt it. He did start taking an anti-anxiety medicine in the last couple of years for his horrid temper, after I about left him. He sees a therapist occasionally, and we have went to one together, but I was always made to feel like I was asking to much of him and not appreciating his hard work. I constantly praise him, rarley criticize, and thank him when it's deserved. I'm not very overweight, and he says he's attracted to me, he just doesn't need the sex to prove it.
I've tried to get him to read books with me, watch movies, whatever it will take. He's not interested. It turns into a fight, and I end up hurt emotionally. I don't feel like life should be this way. No one else sees it though. He takes care of us financially and works very hard to do so. I'm sure this plays into it, but I don't know how to fix it.
In the meantime, my vibrator keeps me company. Which he absolutely HATES ! But what can I do ?! If he hates it so much, why not please me himself ? Or allow me to please him ? I'm more than willing, and he knows it turns me on to give or recieve.
Sorry to vent, but this is the first chance I've really had to discuss this !