I have a HL and he has NONE

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
I have a HL and he has NONE
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 8:57pm

My fiance and I have been together for 6 years now! He is 45 and I am 43.

We have a great relationship except for sex - it is pretty much non-existant.

We did have a good sex life - good enough to satisfy me anyway and him.

He used to message girls (and I mean girls 19 and up) over 4 months ago but that has stopped and now he only looks occasionally at the girls on Craigslist (yah I know it's a bunch of young prostitutes). He said the messaging was just for friends and it has stopped all together for 4 months now.- NO MORE.

He says he still looks occasionally on Craigslist to see if he can get an erection but says it doesn't happen.

He does have a back injury that is under control and we both are large people. I am working on a new life style and body change but it will take time. He says some is fear that he will pull his back, he thinks maybe the medication he takes affects his drive . The doctor has given him Viagra to try but he won't.

He keeps making me promises, "when I lose weight....". I don't believe it!

Okay complete honesty here - I was a virgin til I met him and now I think this is God's cruel joke!!!

Now I am sex hungry and I have a partner that is not. What do men and women think of this situation. I need advise.

I love him and want to work this out - is it possible.



iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 9:58pm


From what you've posted so far... don't hold your breath. Just trying to be honest. Do people change? Occasionally. But not when so many cards are stacked against the situation.

Do you want to spend your life hitting your head against a brick wall? It's as though you were going to Chinese restaurants every week and complaining that there's no pizza on the menu. If you love and need pizza, try Italian. If you keep going to your favourite Chinese haunts, then do it with the knowledge that you won't find any pizza there, now or ever. So my two cents are... either find a way to HAPPILY accept your boyfriend as he is now, or move on.

JMHO Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2008
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 10:32pm

I am on the opposite side of your equation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2009
Wed, 05-27-2009 - 11:20pm

I now how you feel, I am in the same boat, I am HL and my significant other is LL

it is so frustrating, there is nothing worse then sexual frustration. and I am not a woman that will cheat. But this is driving me crazy. I love my

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2008
Thu, 05-28-2009 - 7:33am


I get you totally! I don't know how I could leave mine either but you have to look at the other parts of your life with your man and determine if that's enough and if he is willing to work with you on the sex parts.

I finally talked to mine and things are better not perfect but better.

I plan to marry my man so I needed to know how open he was to work with me and mine is. So please talk to him before you decide to do anything else.

OH and if you need to cheat or feel you have no choice - DON'T - leave him - it will only hurt you both okay!

send me another message if you want to okay!

Take care
Be real to yourself and Him