I need advice... please

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
I need advice... please
30
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 9:47am
Hi everyone, I have been a lurking around here for yrs now and have only written in several times about my non existing sex life with my boyfriend of 7 yrs. I can count the times we've had sex with my two hands in the last 3 yrs and it wasn't very good or we never got that far. My relationship with him is that of a roommate, brother, father defiantly not a lover, he always tells me he loves me and is wonderful with me. I, like most of you, have tried several approaches, techniques, speeches, etc. over the yrs with no change. He's a wonderful man blah, blah, blah (he really is but you all get the point) that is why I'm still here. We have no children (since you have to have sex for that to happen) but we have alot of things invested together after 7 yrs, we own a home together I work with him in his business, stuff like that.
Anywho.... I am now faced with a dilemma, my ex-boyfriend has come back into my life after 10 yrs thanks to Facebook. He was the love of my life, we had passion like I've never had again, we were very young and it did not work out after 5 yrs of on and off. So he finds me on FB and tells me that he has never felt that again with anyone else and asks me if i have (I have not). That he still loves me and wants to be with me again. Well fast forward 5 months to now and we chat on FB every other day or so and I now find myself thinking of him all the time and tempted to see him and see if that feeling is still there, I defiantly feel it when we speak over the phone (which has only happened twice). Last night i almost broke down and called him to meet me somewhere but I didn't, I'm so scared to get caught. BTW my ex is not exactly someone who I'd leave my current financial situation for (he's currently unemployed bc of the recession) and lives with his mother (yikes)
I don't know what to do! Please give me some advice, am I suppose to just ignore this yearning I have for love, passion and attention from the male species..... I'm like a caged tiger over here! BTW I'm 33 my "husband" is 45 and my ex is also 33 in case you all where wondering.
Ovulation ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 10:18am
...did you mean to use the word defiant?...I guess that I would tell you that I made a mess of my first relationship...he was killed in combat and I regretted for a long time that I was a selfish wife and partner...I've been given a second chance at having a wonderful man and I appreciate it everyday...I think that you should follow your heart...if what you want in life is passion...only you know...if what you want is financial security with a "room mate" type relationship...only you know...it's easy for me to say that I'd rather have passion while living on mac-n-cheese and living in a shack because I have lucked out and I get to have both the financial trappings and a great lover for a husband...but, I would rather live with passion and passionate love than to have all of the financial trappings...just my opinion...also...at this point...your heart and mind have checked out of your current relationship...at this point...you are able to fantasize about a relationship and relive it in your mind...that's fine...but, if you are going to stay in the relationship with your long term boyfriend, then he deserves your respect for the relationship that the two of you have...you know who both of these men are...it's your choice...but, whoever you choose...deserves to have your heart, mind, and friendship...I would not want my husband to be lusting in his heart for a past relationship...
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 10:57am
I predict you will regret your entire life if you stay with current bf "for the money".

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 12:21pm
Yes I feel like i will regret but let me just get one thing clear, I don't stay "just for the money" he's actually not rich but very ambitious and our lives will be very comfortable in the near future but besides that he's a wonderful person and great boyfriend and would be a great father one day. He's perfect to me except of course no chemistry between us= no sex......agrrrr
Thanks for your advice and everyone else, I'm oh so very confused and scared.
Ovulation ticker
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 2:03pm

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 7:49pm
why is it that LL's don't find each other and HL's each other, then life would be easier... well at least everyone would be sexually satisfied.
Ovulation ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 10:50pm
Because LL and HL are relative terms.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:30am

Among the many

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 12:07pm

Among the many

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 2:49pm

I was thinking of the situation where the previously HL male encounters his first HL female and

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 7:37pm

Oh, that's all of us.

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