I want it, he doesnt what to do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2008
I want it, he doesnt what to do??
3
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 4:27pm
Hi everyone... just need to vent and get some advice. I know they say women reach their sex peak later in life, while the men had theirs in the early yrs. My fiancee and I have been together 2 yrs now. the first year was good and then over the past sev months NOTHING! He is sterile has been all his life and now says he just cant "perform" I am a touchy, feely person, all i get from him is kisses and hand holding. I need "warm fuzzies " cuddling etrc.. it doesnt always have to end up with sex! I have talked to him about it and still nothing.. whats a girl to do?? I know womens emotions are completely different from men.I give him romantic cards,etc. he tells me loves all the time, but i need to SEE it, so whats your advice on this?? thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 5:00pm

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It's not necessarily that women's emotions are different than men's, it's that every person (man or woman) has different love language. That is, the way they express and feel love is different based on many factors. Clearly, you need physical affection to feel loved while he does not. You should read up on the concept of love languages and share the information with him. It is a start at least.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 7:50am

"My fiancee and I have been together 2 yrs now. the first year was good and then over the past sev months NOTHING! He is sterile has been all his life and now says he just cant "perform" I am a touchy, feely person, all i get from him is kisses and hand holding. "


"I give him romantic cards,etc. he tells me loves all the time, but i need to SEE it, so whats your advice on this??"


My advice would be he is the wrong person for you to marry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 10:46pm

Have you spoken to him about what you need from him? And if so, I take it that you got no reaction? It's kind of a what-you-see-is-what-you-get scenario. This is who he is, and how he is, and you need to figure out if you can live with that or not. What is the minimum that you need from him to be happy? Do you see yourself being able to live with this for 5 years, let alone the rest of your life?

You've only been together two years, and now you have no sex life, and you're not even married! If he can't get it up, has he seen a doctor about it? Sterility doesn't mean performance issues. If he can't perform, he can help you out in other ways, and he can see his doctor and find out if there is any physical issue for his problem, or if it's psychological, then you need to have a good sit down and see what his concerns are.