Ignorance and Social Pressures ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Ignorance and Social Pressures ......
32
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 10:06am

Not to mention societal 'norms' and gross generalizations. They all add up to hog-wash like this semi-literate 'story' that some will take seriously and perhaps try and shoe-horn into their lives because it was published, so there must be some truth:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 12:47pm
Drivel. My grandparents has an amazing marriage and he was impotent the last 20 of their 55 year marriage. And good sex to me (normally between 3 am and 5:30 am) should last no more than 30 from start to finish. I've quit reading that type of nonsense, because I find in general it does more harm than good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 2:08pm

I develop red eyes and start to foam about this kind of rubbish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 3:44pm

I do think it's interesting that this article was written by a man, who is describing how women think--how does he know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 4:04pm
mol42 wrote:

...I believe I've suffered serious

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 4:23pm

Well, it more like consuming the

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 5:53pm

I recall many years ago seeing a Playboy model type on a TV sex talk show mention that if the actual act of intercourse isn't short in duration, the man isn't doing it the way she likes. What she meant by this is that the foreplay should be long, intense, and the man should be able to read her body so that the intercourse is the ultimate finale with both arriving.

When it works, couples over time find their own rhythms and grow to know each other's body and sexual responses. This is the way me and DW make love. 30 or more minutes to get there yet only a few to finish, if we finish with intercourse at all.

All smiles right now!

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 02-07-2012 - 6:32pm
My wife has freed me from all such concerns. She told me nothing works for her, so I shouldn't bother. So these days we just do whatever suits me at the time. Most times I don't "finish", either. Not exactly sure what the point of it is at this point. Except to head off the resentment I feel when we don't have sex for weeks at a time. At this point, wondering why I even care.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 10:47am

That's just sad. I wish you were in a better situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 1:25pm

Very, very sad. I usually wish my sex life was more frequent and interesting, but your story makes me happy for what I have.

Keep your chin up, holding.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 02-08-2012 - 1:50pm

>>>>> that is sad <<<<<

Not nearly as sad as when we weren't having sex at all for weeks or months at a time. And much better to deal with reality than to pretend there are things she enjoys more than others, so that I waste much time and effort vainly striving to create sensations in her that do not exist. And then I feel like a failure when she doesn't respond as I hoped she would. These days I am pleased whether either of us "finishes" or not.

Maybe I am lying to myself to keep the pain at bay. Perhaps there is a level of sensation and satisfction I will never know, that I might have enjoyed if it were available. But within the confines of what I have experienced (admittedly quite limited), it is not the sensations of sex I crave. It is her consent. Which she now grants more freely, since she is freed form having to pretend she enjoys what follows. That makes me happier about our sex life than I used to be. I wouldn't want anyone to feel sad about that.

Strangely though, Mrs. Hold objects when I describe our sex life in these terms.

When you see it coming, duck!

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