Ignorance and Social Pressures ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Ignorance and Social Pressures ......
32
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 10:06am

Not to mention societal 'norms' and gross generalizations. They all add up to hog-wash like this semi-literate 'story' that some will take seriously and perhaps try and shoe-horn into their lives because it was published, so there must be some truth:

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Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 8:21am
Thanks mol, but as we know well from many posts here, even if she might be open to hearing the message from TR, if I am the one who suggests that she watch the video, she will not be open to the message. I know this galls you, too.

And yes, sometimes it hurts to see how easily one's SO can motivate themselves to be generous with people for whom they don't have complicated baggage-filled feelings. I have to console myself that I played my part in generating those negative feelings, so I can't begrudge her feeling them.

When you see it coming, duck!

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Registered: 05-12-2004
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 9:39am

"I'm reflecting on the dynamic that makes it apparently impossible for some people to listen to or accept what people close to them say, and to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 1:40pm

<>

I've said this before, and I know it sounds like a copout, but stretching yourself to have unwanted sex really is different from stretching yourself to help friends or strangers or even stretching yourself to take out the garbage. I'm not saying this gives LLs a free pass, just that the required psychological (and sometimes physical) push is far greater. It's one of the realities that makes ML so complex and confounding.

Here's an analogy. I've been doing some research on eating and weight maintenance for an article I'm writing. I learned that so-called "naturally thin" people -- people who can supposedly eat what they want without gaining weight -- almost invariably don't WANT to eat as much as the rest of us. When forced to eat beyond their natural wants and needs in controlled hospital experiments, they report great physical discomfort and massive resentment at having to eat when not in the mood for it. This is practically incomprehensible to the likes of me, as I belong to the majority of people who love to eat and can easily eat beyond maintenance needs without feeling either physical or psychological discomfort. And yet some people are like this. I think the same forces kick in when LLs are called upon (again and again) to have unwanted sex.

JMHO Freelance

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Registered: 05-12-2004
Fri, 02-10-2012 - 1:51pm

"

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Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 12:58pm

"It's one of the realities that makes ML so complex and confounding."

Or how about, sex is (historically at least) - very risky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 02-11-2012 - 11:04pm
<>

I might call it longitudinal aversion -- aversion that only becomes apparent (to both parties in the ML relationship) over a long period of time.

F.
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Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 10:42am
Your point is very well taken flm. The reality of how strong this aversion can be is precisely why so many of us long-timers have come to the realization that not all mismatches can be resolved in a mutually satisfying manner. Unfortunately, for some couples, breaking up is the best outcome they can hope for. The tragic part arises when they don't realize the truth, or aren't willing to admit it to themselves, until far down the road.

When you see it coming, duck!

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Registered: 05-12-2004
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 8:18pm

" ...

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Registered: 05-12-2004
Mon, 02-13-2012 - 8:20pm

"

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Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 02-14-2012 - 3:29pm
1.5kids?!?! 1 delivered and 1 in the oven?

When you see it coming, duck!