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|Fri, 06-12-2009 - 9:14am|
Thanks for all who have given me advice on my posts.
We are at an impasse and I think the only solution is for me to end the relationship. We have gone around and around. I don't understand him and he doesn't understand me. I don't think he is truly LL, I believe he doesn't like to feel pressure, along with control issues.
What hurts me is his seeming resistance to any kind of compromise. We discussed in therapy laying skin to skin with no expectation of sex so I can get some physical closeness and he doesn't feel pressure. I asked him why he doesn't initiate this and he responds "I don't know."
Now when I explain how that makes me feel I don't matter he gets angry and tells me I put too much emphasis on sex and implies there is something wrong with me. I know there isn't! I have tried to compromise but I won't live with someone who doesn't feel passionate towards me. I am 36 and I feel like we are in our 90s!
I told him I feel there is little optimism on my part that we can work this out and he is in complete denial about it. Yesterday he said until our next therapy appointment we should act as if everything is okay. Basically I hear that he doesn't want to feel bad about things. I can't seem to impress upon him that we are on the road to breaking up.
Someone on this board told me he might not get it until I actually move out. Financially that will be very tough. I hate to think that is what it takes, as if I have to move out I will most likely be done working on things.
I just wish he understood it is not just the physical act of sex, it's how I feel loved. And for me to tell him exactly this, and for him to not make this a slightly higher priority...well, it makes me feel like he doesn't think my needs are valid and that he doesn't care.
Then when we do have sex he tells me how good it is. I do not get it!!!!
Thank you for letting me vent.