Initiating Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Initiating Sex
62
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 2:03pm

Mol's thread in Sharing Support got me thinking about the the responsibilities we have to partners when we initiate sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Sat, 10-01-2011 - 4:41pm

Having studied (first hand) these issues for 25 years I've come to the conclusion that I have no chance of determining when it's worth a try. At one point I had a list of "101 reasons she doesn't want it right now" and even if I could check down all 101 (OK, it was closer to 70 or so. Work with me here!) the odds still only rose to 25% at best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 08-14-2011 - 10:59am
magnaniman wrote:

Mol's thread in Sharing Support got me thinking about the the responsibilities we have to partners when we initiate sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 08-14-2011 - 10:49am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 8:56am
Sorry about the typos :) on my phone!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 8:52am
No what I meant about drawing the short stick is that we want opposite things which means that one of us is going to HAVE to do something we don't want to. So I was wondering if it was arrogant of me to assume it should be HIM who does what he really doesn't want to as opposed to me NOT getting what I really need. When I first posted here I think I did probably want him to do it and to love it. After reading some posts I now see that is not only impossible for him but inapproiate of me to ask. Really now my goal is to somehow come up with an arrangement we can both love with that keeps him from dreading every moment thinking I am going to want to talk about it AGAIN and also keeps me from feeling like I am going to explode because of all my pent up sexual frustration.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 2:41pm
How could he possibly pull the short stick? He cannot desire something he doesn't. The best he could do is take acting lessons and fake it, but I am pretty sure that's not what you want either. You need to really think about what you want, because it sounds like you want his desire...and he doesn't have it to give. So what then?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 2:21pm
You're right. I love him and don't want to spend my life without him but keeping up this way doesn't seem much like an option either. I love sex and he apparently hates it so I guess sometimes I just think, SOMEONE has to pull the short stick here as you can't both get what you want if you want opposite things so I guess it's arrogant to assume it shoUld be him to pull the short stick?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 1:05pm

"Feeling time and time again like an ugly, rejected, failure"

Much as you can tell yourself, "it's not me" and rationalise this, I guess this is more or less unavoidable.

Which is why it's important to take some action when you're ready.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 8:27am
I can't tell you how lost and hopeless I've felt over the last few years. Feeling time and time again like an ugly, rejected, failure :( I know that's not the case but hard not to get sucked into it all after dealing with it for so long with no end in sight.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 4:22am

Welcome.

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