Initiating Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Initiating Sex
62
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 2:03pm

Mol's thread in Sharing Support got me thinking about the the responsibilities we have to partners when we initiate sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 5:16pm
<< As far as HJs are concerned, although I offered DW that as an option, she actually prefers quickies for some reason which she hasn't articulated.>>

Quickies are MUCH easier (on the jaws and arms) than BJs or HJs.

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 11:20pm

I would have to agree. This is what led to the end of my 25 yr. M.

I give all of you credit..it's an incredibly difficult situation to deal with. I lived it. The other side is no better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 4:16am

Thanks TG & Miranda, my feeling is that all I've done is learned from the very nice people on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 4:25am

Magniman, I've been mulling over your situation some more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 4:29am

Do they do a Nobel prize in ML? - you're nominated!

DW was shocked and horrified when she came to understand the level of not-ask, and the effect on me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 6:27am

Quickies are MUCH easier (on the jaws and arms) than BJs or HJs.

Well, I've read comments to this effect, yet, subject to "normal" ranges of times to completion, the way I see this is that it's a good exercise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 7:31am

....I pretty fit, toned, in shape...a blow job that takes a long time kills my cheek muscles...and, I'm also a talker...I've no weight to lose and my jaws are amply exercised...I don't know what else I can do...a quickie is easier for me because it's quick...period...we're a busy family...the children are out of school.....it's just quicker...though, the longie does seem to build up some sort of emotional money in the bank for me, so I do fit those in at least once a week...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 8:40am
>>I think the identification of physical fatigue as the reason why someone wouldn't be willing even to help with a HJ (when intercourse wasn't possible or desired) - and again, within bounds of timescales - is all about the reluctant attitude of the person and not a lot to do with the physical constraints. After all, the same person may well not complain about the physical exertion needed to get themselves off..... So I'm afraid I would normally call BS on this. If one doesn't want to do it, then come right out and say so.<<

I've got to point this out. I've had oral sex with men and with women, and I am here too tell you that giving oral sex to a woman is WAY less physically demanding than giving it to a man. Even if a woman takes longer (and they generally do) I don't get the neck, jaw and even arm fatigue that I do with a man. I could give oral to a girl for at least 1/2 hour (and have) and not get worn out. With a man, I'm worn out in 10-15 mins. It's just different fellas, and unless you are willing to sample both, you will have to take my word for it.
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 8:46am
Not comfrotable with anyone calling it "the way of the Hold".

Remember, my suggestion is just that. A suggestion to others to help them avoid winding up where I am. I do NOT implement the advice myself. I "not-ask" just about every night. But I never mention it to Mrs. Hold. Hence she is able to remain comfortably in denial that (i) I am being constantly deprived and (ii) her rejections are devastating given how frequently I am self-editing my needs.

Especially hurtful are the pre-emptive strikes, where she rejects me before I even ask. Does she think after all these years of living with her, and the many years of my hardly ever asking, that I am unaware of when she is not in the mood? Can she even remember a time in the past 6 years when I asked at an "inappropriate" time?

When you see it coming, duck!

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 8:49am
See, that shows there is a silver lining in every cloud. I may stink in bed because I don't last long, but if my wife were ever in the mood to give me a HJ, she wouldn't have to worry about getting tired because it took so long. All she would have to do is touch me and whisper "I so want you inside me", and it would be over. You might think that 30 years later, I wouldn't be on a hair trigger like a teenager. You would be wrong.

When you see it coming, duck!

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