It's like watching a movie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
It's like watching a movie
36
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 12:05am
We're watching several of our friends go through the break-up of their marriages. It seems every time someone calls lately, it's to say they're separating. It's been unsettling, to say the least. The latest involved very close friends. The news hit DH like a slap in the face. He was surprised that what he thought of as the perfect couple was splitting up and he began to speculate why. Now I happen to know that the wife in this couple was extremely unhappy she was always expected to adapt to the needs of her husband's job (his travel, his socializing, moving to his next promotion). I told DH that their problems are not our problems and he didn't need to worry about that. I told him he needed to worry about the sex. Now if I hadn't been shaken up myself, I probably would have chosen other words. But I think for the first time he realized that he could end up alone if he didn't agree to get help and for the first time in our long marriage he said he wanted to talk to someone about his sexual issues. If I had been smart, I would have picked up the phone then and there. But instead I just sat there. I felt as if I were watching something unfold on the big screen and not in my bedroom. He had never made such an offer before and I was caught off guard. I'm going to make that appointment tomorrow and if he resists going, I'll go myself. Of course, if we get another phone call, I may have to race him to the counsellor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 10:43pm

"I'm sure you've contemplated what his "sexual issues" are and the reason for them for years. Do you have any theories?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 8:03am
<>

Wow! Different realities indeed...

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 1:01pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2011
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 1:22pm
tranquility_goddess wrote:

He also mentioned that he just doesn't think about sex "all the time" as "everyone else" seems to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 2:16pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 8:47pm

LOL mol, sorry but all I could muster was laughter.

Anyway, I'd love to stay and talk but I'm off to heave

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 8:51pm
<>

If you talk to him again, maybe you can tactfully direct him to the asexuality.org website. It's possible that the community will fit him well.

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 2:40am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 7:22am

"I will never again apologise for wanting sex with my lover"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 02-06-2012 - 9:07am
>>IOW, I'm very happy to acknowledge different experiences, and will not denigrate yours; be careful to honor the converse<< We all do it, Mol, and I think her account of "nudging flesh" and also the one about heaving one's body were spot on representations of how the whole thing seems/feels to a lot of LLs. Here's an example of something you said that I felt was somewhat denigrating to MY experience...>>Yes. I'd qualify it as well: "I have a low libido" - with you; and I can't be asked doing anything about to help you....<< Not true of me, not true of LLs in general, probably not actually entirely true of hardly ANYONE, in reality. I know that is how it SEEMS to you though...so I had decided not to make a huge deal out of it...until I saw what you'd posted on this thread. It's the danger of speaking with someone who's frame of reference is so far removed from yours, there experience is so different that it smacks of making fun of you or making less of your experience in some ways. I KNOW that sex is much much more to HLs than the mere "nudging of flesh" or "heaving one's body" but for me, it's just not.