The kinkiness factor

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
The kinkiness factor
20
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 5:05pm

I usually lurk here, but in reading the post about a kinky alternative to ML it made me wonder:

Are HLs more likely to also enjoy more kinkiness and fetishisms (like BDSM, cross-dressing, Anal, cuckolding, and the like - truly NON-vanilla. Porn 'might' be included but I don't really view that as kink) Is there a corelation to a higher libido and higher interest in kinky and non-vanilla sex? Are any LLs inclined toward this on their own or would it be another thing to do for their partner?

Toni

Edited for clarity




Edited 12/22/2008 6:17 pm ET by tonitoons

Toni

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 5:11pm
I'm the LL in my relationship (it's all relative)...but, I enjoy sex and all things sexual...when I was 'really' the LL in my first marriage...I don't think I looked at a bit of pornography the entire time...wouldn't have been interested in the least...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 5:27pm

It sounds like a nice idea, but probably not, just like everything else. Everyone wants something different out of the exchange.

Also, defining what is kinky. Some people like it to go the same every time, is it kinky to just try different things, or is it kinky if it's always the same but includes say fingers up the butt.

Is it kinky to be in the living room & not the bed? What about the garage? Is porn kinky by nature, or is it the scenes that decide? Like if they have "vanilla" sex, but it's a porn, is it kinky to watch it?

I would think a true fetish might put someone in the LL catergory though. They can't or won't do it without the "thing" that gets them hot. That sounds limiting or restrictive. Instead, a thing in common with the HL, is that there's never a bad time to do it.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 5:29pm

You probably should post a poll on this one as each of us can only really answer from our own experiences.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 5:35pm
wow, I hadn't thought about that...but, yes...a true fetish would tend to "make" someone LL...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 6:29pm

<>

that's not really what I was thinking - nothing that inhibits the ability to have sex/orgasm any other way. I was thinking of teh willingness to HAVE sex in ways other than oral, man on top or woman on top i.e., vanilla.

I am asking because my partner is very HL, and I do mean VERY - I am also HL but less so than he. WE also enjoy BDSM (he is my sub), role-playing fantasies, and such. I lurk here because he is HLer than me and it helps me understand him better. Before we met, I never really experimented with anything other than vanilla. So having no other experience, it just seems possible that HLs would also be into more experimenting and non-vanilla sex. On the Taboos board, those who are into BDSM and such seem to be enjoying frequent sex.

Does that help to clarify? I also edited my OP to include examples.

Toni

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 7:39pm

<< it just seems possible that HLs would also be into more experimenting and non-vanilla sex. >>

To me it seems self-evidently true, at least on a statistical basis. The nature of sexual desire is such that the urgency and scope of desire are inextricably intertwined. I'm speaking far more from reading and observation than from personal experience as a LL woman, but still...

F.




Edited 12/22/2008 7:40 pm ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 8:06pm

My DH is the LL, and I wouldn't describe him as "vanilla"; he's up for about anything but doesn't require a specific kink.


In my experience, if something "kinky" is done over and over, it loses it's appeal; doesn't turn me on as much.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Mon, 12-22-2008 - 11:37pm
No, I dont think the hl's are more likely to be kinky, I just think some people both HL and LL are kinky and others are not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 8:46am

I apologize...I think I meant that response for tulips...if a person is fixiated on one source of stimulus for arousal...they would be LL....I think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 9:46am

>>In my experience, if something "kinky" is done over and over, it loses it's appeal; doesn't turn me on as much. Something kinky that is a surprise is much hotter. Oh and anything that has to be discussed beforehand (like bondage) doesn't do much for me either. It's talking about it that ruins it for me. If he could only read my mind...<<

This is true of me also. My "kink" is really newness. Novelty plays very very high on my scale. The problem is that DH is more of a "sameness" kind of guy. He has some kinks also, but newness isn't really one of them. Interestingly enough, he's the HL and I am the LL.

variety, gotta love it.

roo and snowy siggie

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