Lay-off Causes LL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2009
Lay-off Causes LL
8
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 3:32pm

My boyfriend got laid off from his engineering job early last Dec. ('08), and ever since then, the sex has been dwindling. I'm 24 and he's 25. We've been dating for a year and a half, and have lived together for almost 10 months. When we first started dating, the sex was great and often. Then things started to mellow out, which I totally understood, you can't have sex 3 times a day forever. Then it was

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 5:11pm

Being laid off is very big shock to the system... even when you suspect it's coming. I was laid off (also from an engineering type job) about 7 weeks ago now. My sex drive completely crashed. For a while I just let it go...(it actually worked for me since then BF and I had been dealing with mismatch already suddenly we matched) then i started working on getting it back. Nothing that usually works when I'm in a slump has really worked. The interest just wasn't there.

If sex wasn't that important to him in first place... it isn't going to be something he's working hard to get back. The best course of action I can offer is be supportive... but let the sex side of thing go for a while. Sometimes just accepting it isn't going to happen helps (i was the HL side of our relationship before i was laid off so I do know the feelings that go with that.) Try to to talk to him about your needs. Not so much the sexual side but the need physical contact.

Only you know just what you can and can't live with... so only you can decide when/if you need to leave.

k

k

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 2:11pm

>>>>> Sex has never been an issue is any other relationship I've been in. <<<<<


You have just discovered the shocking truth.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 6:31am
..."I am happy when my partner is happy"...it absolutely escapes me that MOST people in long term committed relationships do not strive to be part of their partner's happiness...no, no one can make an unhappy person happy....yes, a person has to have their own sense of self-respect...but, by and large...we, as a population, are more concerned with what our neighbors think of us than our life partners..
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 10:26am

>>>>> it absolutely escapes me that MOST people in long term committed relationships do not strive to be part of their partner's happiness... <<<<<


I think most people do.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 8:38am
...yes, Hold...you are right...I did make the mistake of not paying tribute to the needs of my partner...during my first marriage...I am a completely different person now...yes, in part because of my husband's murder...but, I am also 20 years older than I was during my first pregnancy and subsequent virgin march into motherhood...but, (you knew there would be one)...I do believe that humans are in fact capable of complex thought process...and, by the time we have (ostensibly) reached an emotional maturity...we are able to recognize that those we choose to be in our lives are desperately important...most of us have lost someone close and integral to our lives by the time we are in our 30s/40s...it could be that some, with emotional maturity, realize that the one they chose to spend their live with is not who they would choose now...and, a whole other hosts of scenarios...so, in hoping that by the time that most of us get to the ages that we are at now, we no longer would need to lose our spouse to appreciate our spouse in the event that we find ourselves still wanting to be in the marriage...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Tue, 03-31-2009 - 7:19pm
Oh my goodness bless you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 12:43pm
I shouldn't use the word "murder"...he was killed in a combat in Bosnia...I married within the year...I think that I had been checked out of marriage for a long time...and, he had begun...or, had been involved in a few "affairs"...most of my grief was built around the loss of my child's father...and, my regret at the piss-poor wife that I had been...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Thu, 04-02-2009 - 2:09pm
I think you healed well and chose well so that in your second marriage you dindt make the same mistakes. In that way you are blessed but still my heart goes out to you for such a life tragedy.