Living in a sexless marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2012
Living in a sexless marriage
48
Sat, 02-25-2012 - 9:38pm

I am 25 And my husband is 51. When We first got together We were so perfect for each other He made me feel like I was everything He ever wanted in a woman! And He brought out

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 12:21am
The reason he doesn't have any desire for you is that he's getting off on the porn instead, which means he still does have sex (just with himself and the porn) Simple amswer is to get rid of the porn and I bet he will go back to wanting sex with you. He has basically just replaced you with the porn.Very sad story that happens all too often these days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2011
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 3:37am

"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 5:10am

You're asking for a magic solution but there is no magic to be had in these situations. There is no way for you to get his sex drive back. That's something he has to want and he has to do. If you are determined to stay at all costs, you should probably itemize them: crying yourself to sleep most nights, no intimacy in your marriage, no intimacy ever again unless you betray him and cheat, no children.

I really don't think porn is the issue. Lots of HLs like porn. It doesn't interfere with our sex lives. We're after physical intimacy and connecting through sex. While we can get aroused with porn and masturbation, it's not the high we're ultimately seeking. That he's watching porn and not sleeping with you suggests a few things to me. He's a new relationship energy guy and not a baseline HL. That energy isn't coming back because it's not new any more. I don't know if that energy comes back if you leave and then you two ultimately reconcile but even if it did, things would dry up again.

Sleeping in jeans is weird. I suppose it's something people could do as part of their routine but it's not as comfortable as pyjamas and it because you've mentioned it I get the impression that that was something different from his routine. I don't want to alarm you but is it possible he's moved onto someone else? Under what circumstances did you meet? Could he have met someone else the same way? How long have you been married?

Anyway, I'm hoping self preservation and good sense will guide you. You're 25. You have a lot of years in front of you. You just have to decide whether these are the actions of the man you want to spend your most fertile years with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 5:14am

"Simple answer is to get rid of the porn"

How do you take porn away from an adult?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 9:44am
Unplug the computer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 11:10am
peaceyma wrote:
Unplug the computer.

LMAO !

All the sex therapists and sex rehabilitors should take advice from you ! Such a simple solution to such a huge problem ! LOL

OP,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 3:09pm

Yep. Could also be someone else. A man usually doesn't go from wanting it all the time to zero intrest in it. Unless of course he develops some physical problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 3:57pm
peaceyma wrote:

A man usually doesn't go from wanting it all the time to zero intrest in it.

It happens all the time. Most often, it happens when a man runs out of new-relationship energy. Then he goes to his default position, which may include a low frequency of coupled sex or no coupled sex at all. Men who are uncomfortable with deep,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 4:10pm

" Unplug the computer. "

But seriously. So he plugs it back in. Buys another. Gets a laptop. Gets a tablet. Has a smart phone. I think a 51-year-old man with a 25-year-old wife is going to have some resources. If he wants to watch porn and she has no leverage (won't leave, can't withhold sex), what's to be done to stop him. What's even the point of stopping him? He didn't get the idea of wearing jeans to bed by watching porn. He didn't get the idea of not sleeping with his wife by watching porn. True, he's taking the edge off of his sexual need with porn and masturbation but if I had to guess I'd say there was something else going on too. Another woman? Erectile dysfunction? I don't see how trying to prevent him from having porn will address those issues. I think it would just make him angrier. If it starts a fight when she even tries to raise the subject, I can't imagine it would make things better if she were to treat him like a child and unplug his computer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 4:18pm
Probably better she take a lover and leave him get off on his own.

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