long distance and time

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
long distance and time
45
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 11:55am

I'd like to relay my story and see what anyone has to offer.


My wife's father recently had a stroke and so my wife being the only child flew to the other coast to be with him and assist with his recovery efforts after he got out of the hospital.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:01pm
How is your sex life normally? Is this an anomaly or is she usually like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 12:54pm
...I think that she knew from the get go that she wasn't going to have sex in her father's apartment and she should have said as much...how easy to say..."I feel weird having sex in this apartment and I don't want to take a few hours away...so, how about I give you a great hand job tonight and again before you leave..."...but, as the other poster asked...how is your sex life usually...is she a caring partner?...or, does she need to let you know when she is not in the mood, but takes one for the team?...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:21pm
She is somewhat like this. We typically have sex once a week and always one the weekend and usually on Saturday. This is because Friday she is still tired from the week and Sunday she is probably tired from having sex on Saturday. It all fits into a nice little schedule. For my part, I would like to have sex 2 or 3 more times during the week and have told her that but she never wants to. In the end, it always seems that when we have sex, it feels like its her doing me a favor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:31pm
She actually told me before I came out there that "nothing is going to happen." I listened and understood what she meant. But I also thought I could talk her into something. I thought and hoped that a normal person would be horny after a month of not having sex even though she was caring for her father and working. I do understand that she might not have wanted to have intercourse during the day while her dad was up but we could have been quiet and still have done it. I still find it bizarre that a woman would be that disinterested in sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 3:01pm

<>

You wouldn't find that so bizarre if you hung around here more. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 3:52pm

>>>>> Am I being to insensitive to her because she is there caring for her dad or is she being to much of a prude to have sex with him in the next room? <<<<<


Both.


She has discomfort with sex or intimacy or pressure for sex or something.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 7:46pm

You have good advice. I think it's very difficult to decide whether I can keep putting up with this or not. We have been married eight years. We have many of the same interests. We often have a lot of fun together. The tough part is the sex.

Part of her problem and maybe most of her problem is due to her religious upbringing. If the Vatican were to come out and say that people should have sex 3 times a week, I would probably be a happy camper. Part of her discomfort in having sex in her dad's bedroom may have been the various religious pictures and crosses displayed everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God, but I just think having a picture of Jesus at every turn is probably taking it over the top.

I agree with you though, at some point, I need to decide just how bad it bothers me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 9:08pm

I have to say, I'm not a religious person--but if I knew my dad was, and he was in the other room, and there was even the smallest chance that he could hear us---I probably wouldn't want to have sex, either. Suggesting getting a hotel room was an idea, but then she would have had to explain to her father why you were getting a room............

Maybe she was being a prude, but I can understand why she was uncomfortable with the idea. Even after a month. I *like* sex, and I can go considerably longer than a month without it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 11:48pm

I don't understand what religion has to do with it. Is there a religion that is against sexual congress between a husband and a wife? I think it's a convenient excuse for an individual who isn't too hot on sex to begin with.


I just want to go back to address a different point. Your disappointment at not having sex when you got out there is rather your own doing. She told

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 12:17am
I agree with what you said but an alternative for us would have been to tell her Dad we were going to look at a museum or something and then go check into a hotel for a few hours. A white lie but inventive nonetheless. Does that seem to needy?

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