Something someone said in another thread resonated for me.
When you see it coming, duck!
While neither pattern/thought process you describe works with me, there is a little of the "uncomfortable with the idea that their spouse KNOWS how uninhibited they can be in bed" because then he can pull the old "look how much you LIKE it" thing.
Hmmm....might fit some couples but I dont think it applies in mine.
I sometimes have the fear of my H loosing control. There certain fetishy modes that he can slip into and almost involuntarily do physical things to me that don't feel good, that tickle or otherwise feel uncomfortable. I feel like I can't relax sometimes because I have to be on guard to NOT be touched in ways I've told him are unpleasant.
And yes, therefore my guard is up and its harder to let go
I have to be on guard to NOT be touched in ways I've told him are unpleasant.
I don't know if you want to discuss this. But I have to say, it always bothers me to read things like that. Someone has said they don't like something & the other person won't stop. Not in general terms, like they don't like sex, so stop asking. But something like this, when it's a specific thing!
Like I'm terribly ticklish. If the BF tried to tickle me, I'd become angry. "There are plenty of places to touch, so keep your finger out of my arm pit."
What's the excuse? "Oh I forgot?"
My DHs explanation was more along the lines: sex is about pushing and blurring boundaries, which I guess for him it is . And then some bunk about testing to see if I'd "grown" any since that last time he tried.
<< I also think that when someone is in the throes of passion, loosing control in a way that is pleasurable for them,
I'm sorry to hear that
Wow, that just really stinks.
Nothing wrong with being a little creative from time to time, but once you're told that a certain, specific thing is unpleasurable......time to give it up.