luv my hubby-he has low libido

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
luv my hubby-he has low libido
12
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:26pm

I've been reading posts for about a year now about low libidos, mis-matched sex drives, no intimacy etc... So here's my deal, been married to an amazing guy for 18 years (been together since H.S) total of 26 years!! For about, I would say, 3-4 years now, we or I should say , I have been having issues with our sex life or rather the lack thereof.

I have had a lot of health issues (in a nutshell-fibromayalgia). But now, I am managing it pretty well. I've lost a lot of weight and I also feel good about myself. Sorry, there's just a lot of history here

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:47pm

I dunno, hard to say, as I can't tell if the issue is your libido increasing (happened to me at 40) or his is decreasing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 1:22am

Wow, thanks for replying...I think my libido increased (I'am over 40 too!) But I'm sure that his decreased. I don't remember much when I was really battling with my fibro. All I know is, after I exercised, ate healthy, and cleaned up my diet, I felt more "sexual". I actually was aroused just thinking about him. He however, had nothing to do with sex. I've had to ask him when we were going to do it, why is the gap so long between making love and he responds the same, I'm tired, I work".


You made me laugh when you said "I also can't tell if he's an insensitive jerk or just doesn't know how to address the situation and feels helpless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 4:25pm

What I'm hearing is that you have some pretty rigorous requirements for sex and that he never satisfies them, so you can imagine why the frequency isn't what you'd hope for. You want him to completely satisfy you both physically and emotionally and do it regularly. I think a lot of men would shy away from that task.

Perhaps you could split these requirements up. There could be times when you have a "quickie" where sex is low pressure for him to get off and for you to share together. Then other times maybe you'd masturbate with him watching and holding you and you'd get physical release. And maybe it could be OK to cuddle on the couch watching a movie or have a date night for the emotional intimacy.

Try giving him some options other than an "all or nothing" intimacy package (that also requires a certain sexual prowess on his part). Maybe you can meet him in the middle between his fear of failure and your expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 2:14pm

"What I'm hearing is that you have some pretty rigorous requirements for sex and that he never satisfies them, so you can imagine why the frequency isn't what you'd hope for. "


I don't think my requirements for sex are rigorous. I'm not wanting him to jump through hoops or perform amazing tricks.


I just want to make love and have mind-blowing sex with my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 3:11pm

I think your expectations are unrealistic, especially given how you describe things now. You do want all or nothing. You need to be able to compromise.

As for wanting him to cuddle and talk after sex, when men ejaculate, it releases chemicals that make us very drowsy! It's just not realistic to expect that he will be able to chat with you after that.

The bottom line is that nothing will ever change unless you are willing to take things one step at a time and make lots of compromises.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 5:07pm

I agree with one small exception.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 11:37pm

Sorry to hear about your situation, especially after having been together so long.


For what its worth I reread your first 2 posts a couple of times, and I don't see where you're expecting anything "unrealistic".

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 11:24am

I have to agree with you amdg, although people can't make you happy, their actions contribute to your happiness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 1:47pm

Thanks for understanding. Yeah, my post is very similar to others on this board that's why I am posting!!


Hubby does have a demanding work schedule and I try to make everything

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 1:59pm

Thanks for your response :-)

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