For the Mildly Mismatched...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
For the Mildly Mismatched...
43
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 11:52pm

Anybody feel like checking in? How's it going? I feel like we could support a modest thread for 40-plus-basically-happily-married-women-with-supercharged-libidos. Amom, are things calmer at home? How are you, HBunny?

I have been seeing a lot of action since last week. Twice Saturday and again Tuesday and lots of compliments with follow-through. Don't know what the heck's going on. I have been working out and eating better for a couple of months, dropped a size or two. Is that it? Part of me wants to ask, if that BOTHERED you, why didn't you SAY ANYTHING? On the other hand, I probably would tearfully called him a shallow b---d. So there's that. Dunno, maybe guys are different. I enjoy his new muscles but I lusted after him just fine 20 lbs ago. Maybe he's just figured out my cycle (extra libidinous the first two weeks) and he is being proactive. Whatever it is, I'll take it. I am actually in a state of not needing sex at the moment and enjoying the calm, however temporary.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 8:20am

yeah, things are cautiously optimistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:01pm
I'm mystified about why you expend so much effort and
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:19pm
What?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 4:44pm

Amom,

I agree, I cannot quite figure out what you have said that led MST to post as he did. Now if he had posted that to ME, I'd understand, but not you. It has always been clear to me that you and your DH have a good, solid relationship. You love him, he loves you, you have a few hurdles, but nothing I'd consider to be terminal, kwim?

roo and snowy siggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 5:05pm

LOL, thanks, mine is acting like a neanderthal right now, I'll admit that, but still........

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 6:09pm
I read your post and I was astonished at the scorn you heaped upon him. That's all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 1:04am

Is it a full moon or just the hormones in the air?! Your husband sounds like mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:31am

Really? The way you talk about your wife sometimes, one would think that if she wasn't Satan incarnate, she was his right hand man. What with her deliberate intention to lead you on, pull her sexual bait and switch, and act like a selfish, controlling b***h the rest of the time. The way you talk about how awful she is makes the rest of us wonder how you can possibly tolerate it all.

Sound familiar? Because maybe she's not really THAT bad--maybe you are just venting. Because, after all, you ARE staying married to her.

I didn't see Amoms post as scornful in any way. I saw it as her being frustrated about how blind he is being about how much things cost. My BF does the exact same thing--he wants what he wants and then is surprised he went over budget. Right now it is just his money, so I don't really care, but it will be more frustrating when it becomes our money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:44am

I have to say that the last couple of months haven't been too bad IRT the ML in my relationship. He has shown some real interest in sex, though I have found myself frustrated that he won't slow down and he has a very limited idea of what foreplay is, and has a single position (me on top) unless I insist on another. Gentle, repeated suggestions during sex haven't been working very well. The frequency hasn't increased, but at least I don't feel like I'm using him as a masturbation aid, which has occasionally been the case in the past.

However, now is not the time for a "talk". I was laid off a few weeks ago (for the second time in just over a year--so much for an improving economy), and we decided that our plan of us moving in together later this year needs to be moved up, which is leading to alot of stress for him. He doesn't react well to stress, so I will need to continue to be patient until after the move and things settle down. In fact, I kind of expect things will get worse before they get better. The stress has been suppressing my libido, too, so that's probably a help in that area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 3:03pm

Amom, he does sound like he would benefit from a reality check. I'm glad you're holding your ground. It would be silly for you to accept responsibility for what is not your fault. Glad things are calmer at home. Sounds like he needs a nice juicy project.

Vamp, I'm sorry he yells at you, ugh. Don't have any advice-- just as well, eh?-- wishing you the best.

Janipurr, sorry to hear about your job. Glad to hear the ML is trending better.

I was going to keep track for my own ADD benefit but it does not seem to be necessary as the SO is showing good volition here at home. Remind me of that if I post here whining in a week. I am still feeling somewhat mixed about attributing it to my improved physique. By the way, what is with you guys and the skinny thing? All the top hotties have BMIs of like 17. Hard for a grown woman to maintain. Believe me, I don't require washboard abs to find someone attractive.

I don't know if it's the better balance but most recently my own libido has calmed down some. Maybe as my body fat has dropped my estrogen levels are dropping too. Or as his has dropped, his testosterone is rising? Either way, I am procrastinating my workout. Here's wishing a Well Matched August to everyone.




Edited 8/2/2009 3:05 pm ET by demeron

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