MML bringing our marriage to an end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
MML bringing our marriage to an end
165
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 9:26am

From 6 months before our wedding my wife wanted to stop having sex so she could tell our Pastor that we werent having any.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 10:44pm

An interesting find:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Sex-Talk-101/Will-it-ever-get-better/td-p/110041520

I mentioned in an earlier post that perhaps the wife in question couldn't articulate her LL, but sounds like she was very aware and up-front about it from the get-go! Pure brute force and projecting your own wishes onto her didn't change things then...why do you think counseling is going to change them now?

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 06-06-2011 - 11:20pm

"when I told him mine, he said, "What's wrong with you? That's sick! Why would you enjoy that?"

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 8:18am
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 8:26am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 8:32am
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 9:11am

...yes, libido is relative...for me, it's related to my partner...didn't want to have sex with my first husband...at all...enjoy it very much with my husband of 10 years...not as much as he does or in the way that he does, but I enjoy it...I would have called myself N(no)L during my first marriage, I've had that tested and I am wrong...until your declared libido has been tested beyond the new relationship phase, until you've been satisfied sexually for an extended period of time, your (ambiguous "your") declared libido status is just a product of your current relationship and not your wiring...(my opinion)...some of you may find that you have a low interest in sex after you've been sexually satisfied..you might end up the "unable to produce LL" and left...I know that "your" first response will be "I don't care if I am left, I'll gladly test my libido"....hopefully, you'll have a partner who straight up tells you that your are not cutting it instead of planning behind the scenes for an exit...(by the way, I think HL is a way more changing phase than LL...I think sexual starvation presents itself as HL...LL just is...and, while it can sway and move (mine did)...it's pretty much LL...)...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 9:23am
>>How old were you when you lost your HL?<<

Oh goodness, I was being treated for a nervous breakdown with anti-depressants and the like, going to college, and raising a family. It was about 6 or 7 years ago, I'd guess. So I was maybe around 38? I am guessing at this. Not entirely sure as it has been so long.

>>What factors do you think caused this loss?<<

I am almost positive that the anti-depressants permanently damaged me in some way. I've done some investigation about this and found a group of people that also have experienced this. They call it Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction. There is no treatment, these people are like me, they're just doing their best to live the life they've been handed.

>>Were you with your present H at the time?<<

Yes

>>Having been both HL and LL, what have the differences been for you physically, mentally, and emotionally? <<

The differences are so extreme as to be unexplainable. I'm a completely different person now than I was then. My priorities are different, my energy levels are different, my passion for life in general is less. I'm not depressed, per se, just not what I once was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 11:45am
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 11:50am

I really don't see how this will be all that helpful to anyone, but I will answer your questions anyways.

>>...your state of arousal<<

I used to be aroused daily. Now it's never.

>>...how much you think about sex<<

It used to be multiple times a day, now it's still multiple times a day, but now it's anxiety and dread and guilt where before it was excitment and anticipation.

>>...your enjoyment of sex<<

currently pretty much no enjoyment, used to be intensely enjoyable.

>>...your orgasms<<

Now feels like a quick and fleeting clench, used to be mind-blowing, body wracking, excitment filled, etc etc etc

>>...your fantasies<<

current fantasy--to sleep for 10 hours straight. Previous fantasies, threesomes, strangers, s&m, etc etc etc.

>>...your priorities<<

current sexual priority, keeping my DH from b*%$ing at me about sex. previous priorites, having sex multiple times per day, finding time, etc

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:01pm

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