MML bringing our marriage to an end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
MML bringing our marriage to an end
165
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 9:26am

From 6 months before our wedding my wife wanted to stop having sex so she could tell our Pastor that we werent having any.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:15pm
tranquility_goddess wrote:

Bottom line, are you saying that if I (for example) had a partner such as you do (for example), that wanted to have sex with me every day, that I may not want to have sex with him every day? If so, I realize that.

If he wanted to have more sex than I did, would that make me LL? I think not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:26pm

...yes!...thank tiptoeing...and, on top of that the old newness of relationship will skew things...so, in the beginning when everything is great, we do things like buy houses based on two incomes...and, have children...so, when the newness wears off, we are inclined to stay in the relationship...I don't think anyone is free of that tangle...though more than a few will write here that they now have the tools to deal with that entanglement...if only...is someone finds a real solution to deal with surging hormones that dull our judgement at the beginning of a relationship (other than anti-social tendencies) they will be rich, rich, rich...there have been a few people that have posted about having new relationships on here...after years of starvation...and, that is exactly what they are in...new relationships...I'm interested to read about their great sexual relationships in a few years...and, I still predict that some of our HL writers will end up being the LL...especially the older posters who might end up with a younger LL partner...or, might end up like my husband who at 64, enjoys sex every day of his life...even with a pulled back...go figure...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:39pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:02pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:21pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:31pm
>>I'm not one for petty lawsuits, but have you considered suing the maker of the anti-depressant you took that so drastically changed your life?<<

I took several, and do not know which one would have beent he culprit, and besides how do you PROVE a change in libido? And beyond that, how do you PROVE it was due to one particular factor? Medical science views a female libido as too complex to even bother trying to enhance it. There are too many variables. And what do I use as evidence? I cannot go into court with a video of what orgasm used to be like for me, and what it's like now. And even if I could, they'd accuse me of acting or whatever.

I have to accept my fate and move forward. I have to stop trying to "fix" myself, because that reflects an internal view that I am somehow "broken" or "less than."
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:41pm

Hi Z

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 3:38pm

...I don't know...he was handsome, successful, clean, fit, nice to me...supportive...I just wasn't attracted to him...beyond the new relationship phase...I have just never been that into sex, which..coupled with no attraction to him...and, being extremely young and selfish (I really wanted him to adjust to my libido level, I think) and our sex life was not very fulfilling...when he stopped asking for sex, I took notice...I found out later (after his death...though I suspected it before) that when he stopped asking me to go to counseling and to talk, and to spend time with him and to have more sex with him, he had already checked out of the marriage emotionally...I don't know what would have happened to us...I thought that we might end in divorce, but he was killed....when I lost him, I didn't just lose the man that I didn't want to have sex with, I lost my son's father and that was devestating to watch...my God...I am still brought to tears when I think of the hurt and loss...my son is interning this summer in a very prestigious position and when he left, he turned and waved 'bye' just one more time and he looked like his father and the sadness that his father will never know what a fine young man he is and what promise his future holds...the loss was huge...but, I didn't just feel the loss when my son left in May...I started feeling it immediately...the old saying "one doesn't know what one has until it's gone" is true...I'm not saying the me and my first husband would have worked out and would have started having great sex...or that I would have become willing to work with him as I do with my husband now...but, to not have him around for our son...so sad...I will NEVER make that mistake again...my husband is good to us...and, I will not treat him in a manner that does not show my gratitude, love, respect, and honor for him...his needs are paramount to me...I wasn't such a nice person when my first husband was alive...I can't change that...but, I can be a better wife now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 3:41pm

....I think a lot of HLs (and LLs) are more comfortable considering me an HL...so be it...I've never masturbated...do not seek out porn (never have)...I lived through 90 day intervals of my husband's rotations in and out of his duty station without sexual release...didn't even give it a thought...my enjoyment of sex with my husband is often not sexual enjoyment at all...what exactly is your definition of HL???...please do not get hung up on my word "enjoyment"..."enjoyment" and 'arousal/orgasm" are two different things...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 3:52pm
zejayge wrote:

....I think a lot of HLs (and LLs) are more comfortable considering me an HL...so be it...I've never masturbated...do not seek out porn (never have)...I lived through 90 day intervals of my husband's rotations in and out of his duty station without sexual release...didn't even give it a thought...my enjoyment of sex with my husband is often not sexual enjoyment at all...what exactly is your definition of HL???...please do not get hung up on my word "enjoyment"..."enjoyment" and 'arousal/orgasm" are two different things...

I don't consider you to be HL.

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