MML bringing our marriage to an end

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Registered: 06-11-2008
MML bringing our marriage to an end
165
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 9:26am

From 6 months before our wedding my wife wanted to stop having sex so she could tell our Pastor that we werent having any.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 4:09pm

...by the way, you asked (tranquility) why I came to the board...a few things...one of my social psychology grad classes focused soley on the phases of love and mismatched libido was part of the focus...a friend was cheated on and she wanted me to read her post on one of the "I've been cheated on" board...the Clashing Libido tag caught my eye...I think the bottom line is that there isn't a couple with a match...and, matching libidos isn't the issue...it's the way the mismatched couple treats the mismatch...how they respond...you think I gloat...I think I'm proud that we (me and Mr. Me) have worked hard to compromise...I think I learned a lesson about loss the hard way...I know that I do not want to take my husband for granted...and, to be honest with you...I think it's easy...work very hard to please a life partner if "you" want to spend your life with them...if you want your partner to feel valued, value them...yes, yes, yes, I know, one has to love themselves and on and on and on...but, if "you're" going to partner up, then step up...compromise, work very hard to take care of the relationship...one day, someone may knock at your door and tell you that your partner is not coming home, ever...and, your child will NEVER have another second to spend with their parent....beyond that, what kind of role model was I for my son??...terrible!!!!!...so, it's two fold for me...I work very hard to be a loving, giving wife so that my son's will not settle for less...but, unfortunately, they might (probably will....) and they may be LL themselves one day...I don't know...but, by and large, it will not be their libido that will ruin relationships, it will be their reaction...(and the reaction of their partner) that will...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 4:13pm

....I've never considered myself anything other than just plain old normal libido...I have no aversions (other than sex with an unclean person or with animals or children...)...I don't find it distasteful....I don't find it exhilirating...I just find that my husband likes to have it a great deal and as he is so frickin' supportive of me, I would have an incredibly hard time looking myself in the mirror if I took anything other route than being as supportive as possible of him...but, no...I don't look forward to sex (we have it in the mornings...early...most mornings, I'd rather sleep)...I can have it, or not...but, I know that he would find missing it frustrating and I do not want him to be frustrated with his marriage or his home life...the real world offers way too much in the line of frustrating...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 5:39pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 5:47pm

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Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 6:17pm
>>I realized after I posted my message to you that I was implying that something was "broken" or "less than." I also realize that that's my general feeling about LLs, my general prejudice against them, and it's wrong of me to feel that way. Thank you all for your patience with me. Miranda, I'm glad you're trying to stop "fixing" yourself and that you're working on "accepting" your LL. There are pros and cons to everything. I guess it would be easier to focus on the pros of being LL if you weren't married to a HL man, though, wouldn't it? That makes it ten times harder for you, I imagine. I respect you for trying as hard as you do to keep your H happy--especially when he can be so difficult to live with.<<

TG, I have never felt that you had a bias against LLs. You have dismay for your own situation, but your constant desire to want to understand both sides of the equation is admirable. And thanks for your supportive tone above, it hasn't been easy, and I never expected to be in this situation (and neither did my DH, in his behalf.)
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 9:47pm

Dear M

"current fantasy--to sleep for 10 hours straight"

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 12:25am

...do you mind answering my questions?...how do you define HL? and, what do you think my definition of enjoyment during sex that I am not in the sexual mood for?...

...I can't go back...but, if I could, there would be a lot of things that I "should" change...like, I should have been honest with my first husband from day one...I wasn't attracted to him...but, I was involved in a sexual relationship for the first time and I thought that when we finally had the opportunity to live together, versus flying back and forth from Europe to the states for a month here and there...I thought (hope) that when we lived together, everything would fall into place...and, it did for a bit...then, we had our first child the day after our 3rd anniversary and the attraction left for me and didn't come back...I think that all of the things that can happen to a woman's hormones coupled with the fact that I simply wasn't that into sex...brought our sex life to a halt...of course, I should have been a better wife...of course, I should not have expected him to dampen his libido and do without simply because I lost mine...there are a lot of things that I did wrong...I absolutely played a huge part (fault) in the infidelity that happened in our relationship...he was starved for sex and attention...I wanted him to be happy with

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 8:13am

I knw this thread has taken a turn since the original post, mostly because eventguy didnt come back to join his own discussion......I hate when posters do that......but did anyone read the link nhgal posted?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 8:30am

....hi Mom...I did not read the link...I think it's human nature to ignore initial signs (actually, I think it's chemical) of troubles...and, to hope for the best...so many of "us" have done that...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 8:32am

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