MML bringing our marriage to an end

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2008
MML bringing our marriage to an end
165
Thu, 05-12-2011 - 9:26am

From 6 months before our wedding my wife wanted to stop having sex so she could tell our Pastor that we werent having any.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 6:51am
zejayge wrote:

...my life for 34 years...

Are you saying that you moved more than 22 times in 34 years? Really?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 7:09am

...no, 17...moved a lot...my father was a pilot

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 7:41am

Nobody I know is in the military, but surely there is a culture of transition in the military and even some services in place to support transitory life? For example, help with moving and even housing provided sometimes? I mean, nobody joins the military and expects to stay in one place.

I think the expectation is very different in civilian life. It was for us. With each new job (within the same company) and new place, we believed that we were settled in for the rest of our lives. Each time we had to move, it was very upsetting. The children were beside themselves to leave behind friends and schools they just gotten used to. Also, for the first eight years or so after the children were born, we stayed in one home and put down deep roots. Maybe that's why we found it so stressful to be shunted about.

Also, re-reading your description, your family members in the military did basically the same job no matter where they went: pilot, nurse, infantry. With each of my husband's job changes, he literally took on a job that was completely different from the one he had done before, and basically had to reinvent himself and come up to speed really fast with the skill set needed for a whole different job description. That added to the disruption.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 8:06am

...I don't know how to respond...we could go round and round...I moved a lot...that was my life...if you want your life to have been more stressful, ok...by the way, the end result was the same...both men cheated...but, talk about disruption...mine ended up dead...I didn't even go into our life in Special Forces...but, death?...that was a disruption...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 8:54am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 8:59am
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 9:40am

...do you think chemistry and attraction can be explained?...I honestly don't know why I was no longer attracted to my first husband...and, to be even more honest, I think I just didn't try...didn't want to try...thought I had forever to straighten everything...had no clue that he would be dead when he left the last time...didn't eve consider that he might not be there...just didn't put the effort out...I now know that death happens when one least expects it...I maintain that the death of a life partner than one takes for granted is a different kind of loss...the very fact that I took him for granted meant that I took his presence for granted...I was young and selfish...I didn't care that he want to spend time with me, have sex with me, and go to counseling with me...I wanted him to play the role (obviously, I didn't form these thoughts...I'm reflecting back) of husband, I wanted him to be my other half...I just didn't want to meet in the middle...I didn't want the romantic relationship with him...my only reason is that I didn't want to...and, as I was young, selfish, and invicible...do I think my husband's financial stability played a role?..maybe...it played a role in my first marriage too...we were very comfortable...his base pay with time in grade added to all of the extra pays he received, quarter, great health care, seperate rats, language, jump, hazardous duty, dive...all of the pays he received for his skills (when we were SF...not infantry...)...very comfortable and the military was my life...I spent not one second as a civilian citizen until my first husband was killed...as for OC, of course I have sympathy for the loss of her marriage...do you not think she gives as good as she gets?...I am not the only one that has written here that she posts from a very narrow view...unfortunately, life is not narrow..well, it can be...if that's what one wants...I guess I'm more inclinded to think there are often (always) two sides to the story...what about you?...I am also the product of a bitter divorce...a bitter mother, that is...did I laugh and smile and enjoy time during my childhood? yes...as long as I did not express love or concern or the want of/for my father's company...she didn't have to say a word, I could see it on her face...unfortunately, she did say a word...maybe not to me always...but, to enough people and often enough, that I knew how she felt...when she did say a word to me, she framed it in the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 9:44am

...by the way, do you consider your husband making inappropriate comments, faces, and body slamming himself against a wall to avoid contact with you poor impulse control?...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 11:03am
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 11:22am
tranquility_goddess wrote:

"I'll tell you what has changed though: He got married secretly to his gf immediately after the divorce..."

I thought that when your ex went to meet the woman he'd met on the Internet and with whom he was having an emotional affair, that the two of them didn't hit it off in person and that you ended up talking to that woman, and she agreed with you that he had some real issues.

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