New to the board!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2008
New to the board!
2
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 9:25pm

Hello! I'm new here and just wanted to introduce myself! I'm unfortunately mismatched with my hubby of almost 2 years, and although at times it feels like we're working it out, it can also feel lonely. I often times feel really ashamed of my libido for being so high. It's not like he's super low libido. We make love once or twice a week, sometimes more, but I could make love with him every day of the week (or more)!

Not sure how many other women there are here, because this question might be different for men, but how does being the HL partner make you feel? It makes me feel like I have something wrong with me, like hubby doesn't care for me as much as I care for him, and it can feel like he's got a lot of control over me. In the two years we've been married, I've never once refused him sex when he initiated (which isn't often) even though sometimes I wasn't in the mood. I guess I felt like if I didn't have sex with him, it would be a long time before we got to make love again so I'd better take what I get.

But overall, I do have to say that my marriage is happy. This is our only real problem, and I guess it's really only a problem when I obsess over it. I do wish we would have more and longer sex, but it's a work in progress.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 06-05-2009 - 10:41am

I klnow for me it jus tplain hurts. I don't feel desired. I don't feel wanted. I feel like I'm being lumped in with pervs, and almost stigmatized. Its like i'm penalized for desiring my wife and finding her arousing.


Sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2008
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 12:15am

"It makes me feel like I have something wrong with me, like hubby doesn't care for me as much as I care for him, and it can feel like he's got a lot of control over me."

That pretty much describes how it feels for all the other HLs in ML relationships. There are individual differences, but that's pretty close.

Whether you are able to cope with it depends alot on the level of ML (the closer you are, the better it is), and on the attitude of both partners. If the LL honestly tries to come to a compromise, and the HL manages to accept something less than their ideal dream of a perfect sex partner, I think it can work. My LL BF really does try, but I know he can go *much* longer without than I can. I try not to make him feel inadequate, and I appreciate the other qualities he brings to the relationship. I think he initiates more often than he really "feels" it, because he knows it makes me happy.

The question one asks--can I live with this level of compromise? Like it is, right now? Because if you decide that you can't, then there are other hard decisions to make.