New here - LL Hubby
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|Sat, 06-28-2008 - 9:23pm|
I'm a newbie here. I was actually looking googling for support or reasoning on the internet and it brought me here! This will probably be a bit long so SORRY in advance!
Here is a little background on me: I'm 23 years old, married to hubby who is 30 and we have a 16 month old daughter. I have a healthy sexual appetite. You could label me as an HL. When we first were dating, our sex life was great. He was always interested, I could always initiate and he was always asking for a quickie or just wanting to DTD at random times. He was HL then too. It was fun, romantic, exciting, sexy - everything I wanted. Fast forward to when I got pregnant - he was still normal for a while but then it stopped. He said it was because he felt strange having sex while our baby was in my belly. I could understand that so I went along with it. Months passed without sex. I think in the entire 9 month period, we probably only had sex 3 or 4 times. I started to question his excuses because they varied - it was never the same one. When I asked him about this, he just stated that they all were valid and it was just several different things and he just happened to express it that way. I thought it was because I gained weight and once I lost all of the baby weight, it would be better. But it was hard to fathom because my husband is not a shallow person and that stuff never mattered to him with me - he always said that. And sure enough, after our daughter was born, he was bakc to normal. Wanting to have sex anywhere and everywhere again. We weren't sleeping hardly at all, and he would still want to have sex - tired and all. The excuses disappeared and I started to believe that all the ones he gave me during my pregnancy were actually honest.
Then the sex stopped - again. It started to become only on his terms and whenever I would try and initiate or do things to turn him on, he would flat out reject it, which in turn was rejecting me. I would wear sexy nighties, touch him in certain ways, even try to perform oral sex on him. And he would push me away. I felt horrible and completely unsatisfied. It then became once weekly. I thought that was bad. It dwindled again to once every other week. I was mortified at that. It got worse and worse with him - always only on his terms- always the same way. He would wake me up in the middle of the night to do it. He never would try and do anything anymore for me to receive any pleasure out of it like it used to be and he wouldn't even do foreplay. It lasted all of 5 minutes, if I was lucky. I started to feel used. Any discussions we had about it, he would say that he felt "pressured" to have sex with me and that wearing nighties made it feel like he was "forced" to have sex with me. Can you believe that? I found that highly offensive and cried many tears over those comments. He would say he was tired, or that it was work and the baby or his stomach aches - it was always something. It got better for a while - a couple of months. It was 1-2 times a week, sometimes more. I would settle for that. And he started to actually care about foreplay again and my pleasure - it didn't seem so one-sided anymore. Then it got bad again. Now, we have sex maybe once a month, if even that. His excuses are the same.
We just had a long discussion about it the other night. He told me that he is usually exhausted, not feeling good or if he had a negative interaction with me during the day, he wouldn't be interested. But what leaves me suspicious is that NONE of that stuff used to matter - ever. Period. I can remember him having the flu and still wanting sex or having a huge argument with him and him still wanting to have sex with me. I feel like he is making excuses now -I am fairly confident I am not being told the honest truth. I've suspected he is having an affair even because it is so out of character for him. I'm at a loss and at the end of my rope. It's amazing how important sex is in a relationship. I've lost all personality it seems like. Like a previous poster said, I feel like a blob.
My husband works full time - retail hours although they are pretty stable for retail. He rarely works a late shift. I work part time and am home with my daughter most of the time. He has Mondays and Tuesdays off, I have Friday, Saturday, Sundays off. I do most everything for and with our daughter and I am just as tired but I don't find that it stops me from wanting to share that intimacy with my partner. I usually exert myself quite a bit more than he does so that is what really baffles me. More than anything, he never used to be like this. One of his old excuses was that he had gained weight while I was pregnant and felt gross when having sex. He has since lost all of that weight. I am back to pre pregnancy weight and have been for a while. He is always telling me that I'm beautiful and that he is attracted to me, yet really does not act like he is. I guess I feel that if he was truly interested that all of those excuses wouldn't matter and he would find the time. We always have it but he just never wants to. He says that it sucks and that he wants to but can't do anything about it to change it. What is that supposed to mean and what am I supposed to do? Just sit around and be miserable? What do you all think of this? is this a case of "ashamed to admit" LL in my husband or do you think something else is going on? Thanks in advance. I'm really at my lowest point with this.