No emotional/mental connection in bed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
No emotional/mental connection in bed
17
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 10:37am

I think I have pin pointed 'bad in bed' for me,after thinking about it. It's my boyfriend who is in a world of his own when in bed with me, no mental or emotional connection, hardly any eye contact and who seems to be more interested in his own pleasure than mine. Doesnt say one word while in bed.

That is my 2 yr relationship right now and outside the bedroom he is lots of fun and very interesting company, best friends and I always thought the bedroom stuff would improve but it hasnt, Its gotten worse.

I am 56 he is 52

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 10:45am

Talking is good, but have you SHOWN him what you like?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 10:54am

Well I have a feeling he has been like this most of his life. When we first started seeing each other he told me that an old GF said to him once >When are you going to learn how to f**k< of course i didnt know any better, BUT now i know where she is coming from.

I have shown him but he just doesnt take the time and want to learn my body, I have HL and he has LL. He did tell me that if we dont work out that he will never get involved again and just get a woman for sex and thats it, But I feel like he is doing that now to me, but in his mind he isnt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 11:38am
I'm torn between being with a super nice man thats a poor lover or finding great sex....help!! dont know what to do at this point..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 11:49am

He's super nice and isn't willing to understand and help you with what you want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 11:56am
>>He's super nice and isn't willing to understand and help you with what you want? How does that compute?<<

Because what she wants is entirely too far outside his comfort zone for him to provide? And he doesn't know how to tell her that without hurting/losing her?

That's my guess. The kindest thing either of them can do is call it quits. Both of them are going to wind up hurting and miserable imo.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 3:46pm

For some people (mainly HLs, I suspect) sex is an exploratory activity, while for others (mainly LLs, I suspect) it's a release of physiological tension. I haven't ever heard of a way to convert a person from one camp to another. If he doesn't have an interest in exploring your body, my guess is that he'll never "learn" to do it to your satisfaction -- because it's a mindset rather than a skill. If he does give it a try it will seem forced to you, and like the proverbial rubber band he'll snap back to status quo at the first occasion. IOW, you know what you need to do...

Freelance

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 4:16pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 5:35pm

Amazing story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 11:09pm

Freelance, He has done alittle oral, but he really doesnt know what he is doing and I let him know when he is doing something good and it feels good. But i think that he is out of his comfort zone doing that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:31am

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