No emotional/mental connection in bed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
No emotional/mental connection in bed
17
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 10:37am

I think I have pin pointed 'bad in bed' for me,after thinking about it. It's my boyfriend who is in a world of his own when in bed with me, no mental or emotional connection, hardly any eye contact and who seems to be more interested in his own pleasure than mine. Doesnt say one word while in bed.

That is my 2 yr relationship right now and outside the bedroom he is lots of fun and very interesting company, best friends and I always thought the bedroom stuff would improve but it hasnt, Its gotten worse.

I am 56 he is 52

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 11:50am
heymissy13 wrote:

I'm kinda in a pickle right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 3:08pm
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To give the appearance of pleasing you without going beyond his comfort zone.

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 11:12am
>>so that is why I cant do anything at this point until I have my ducks in a row..<<

Well, start lining them up, because I don't think any of us see anything good for either of you in the future of this relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 10:36am

I'm kinda in a pickle right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 10:33am
>>...Then i'm thinking to myself WHY are you doing that...grrrr<<

He's doing that because he IS romantic and playful, but he's LL. Eventually he will see your frustration with it or become so worried about the sex problems that the playful romantic stuff will stop too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 10:27am
Miranda, That was the first time I have been playful with him in a long time, because I have been disappointed in the lack thereof. But I thought I would give it a try and see what his response would be. What really makes me mad is the fact that he will come up behind me and give me kisses or pinch my breasts or smacks my butt, but yet he wont try and satisfy me in bed...Then i'm thinking to myself WHY are you doing that...grrrr.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:44am
Missy,

I've got nothing but mad love for your desire to make this work. But it ain't gonna happen. He's LL. You're not. This is NOT going to get any better for either one of you. You are going to continue to pressure him and put him in situations that make him uncomfortable. This will make him feel like crap. It won't make him enjoy sex more, or make him have the kind of sex you are looking for. This will make you feel like crap.

Don't torture either of you any longer than you must. I've been where you are going, and it's not a nice or good place to be. You'll hate him, he'll hate you, you'll both hate yourselves and your lives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Fri, 12-09-2011 - 8:31am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 11:09pm

Freelance, He has done alittle oral, but he really doesnt know what he is doing and I let him know when he is doing something good and it feels good. But i think that he is out of his comfort zone doing that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Thu, 12-08-2011 - 5:35pm

Amazing story.

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