No more sex with BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2012
No more sex with BF
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 10:57am


I have been with my boyfriend for 10 yrs now, since the birth of our 2nd child he has gone off having with me. I have tried everything to get him to take notice of me, I have initiated sex only to be rejected, I wear sexy clothes and underwear but nothing will get his attention. I know relationships aren't all about sex but even a little bit of intimacy wouldn't go amiss. He finds it difficult to talk about it, first he said it was depression, now he says he can't get an errection, but refuses to go to the doctors or try to resolve it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 2:40pm
Welcome to the board. What I'm about to say will be painful, you are going to have to tell your SO about the affair before your AP does. The story will be better coming from you than him. Obviously your SO is feeling inadequate sexually, and for men that is almost always the death knell to the intimacy. Revealing the affair to him will probably make him feel even more inadequate. He may get angry and throw a tirade, he may stew in silence and cut you off completely. You know him better than I do, but you must be the one to tell him about the affair. Don't let the other man tell him, he will embelish the story to suit himself which will make you look bad.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 04-14-2012 - 4:28pm

You have a right to have your needs met.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 1:32pm
The right way to handle this would have been to negotiate an open relationship BEFORE you went and had sex with someone else. That way you wouldn't be caught in lies as you are about to be. If you couldn't succeed in getting his permission, then you would have had a choice to make. You're in a pickle now though, because it is unlikely that you will be able to get his permission after he finds out. He won't be able to trust you (and rightly so, since you lied to him and took advantage of his trust.) The best that you can hope for is that he will go to couple's counseling with you to try and repair the damage that lying and cheating has done. If you aren't willing to be totally honest and open with him and follow up with that for a long time, to restore trust, you are better off leaving him. You'll both heal quicker and move on sooner.