not sure what to do...just need some support I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
not sure what to do...just need some support I guess
30
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:19pm

I'm going crazy here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
That's true about the affair thing I guess but I don't think he is 'cause he just doesn't seem like the type. You never know though I guess.

He just always gets mad when we talk about it or he'll just say "I know, I'll try harder once the stress dies down". It goes nowhere.

I was thinking about starting my BC again since I read that one of the side affects may be a lower libido. We'll see if that helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

Your situation sounds eerily close to mine. (You aren't my w, are you?) I am the husband who seems to have lost his libido. However, I'm quite HL. What's really happening is: 20+ years of sexual rejection and refusal to negotiate/compromise/work

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011

LOL my_sex_toy45.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

I have the urge to do it constantly, but I just remind myself that life is too short to have sex with someone who never wanted me and whom I no longer want. (That's my personal feeling about sex...everyone is different on the issue of how necessary mutual desire is to make sex adequate.)

Oh, and I masturbate. A lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011

I see.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Take this out of the sex arena. Your husband is hiding from life. Putting blinders on. Focusing on work. Hoping to slog through the stressful period until it ends. You are correct: it never ends until we are dead. Challenge him to embrace life rather than hide from it. I have been a hider all my life. I am older than him. Let me tell you (and him): being a hider never gets you to joy. Good luck. It is not easy to entice the rabbit out of its burrow.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
How do you talk to someone about that though when they don't even want to talk about it and it always amounts to nothing in the end? I agree with you that he is hiding from life. I mean come on, wants to wait until stress passes to have sex? And yes, it's not just about sex I know. That's why I keep telling him, we are always going to have stress in life and life is not perfect so we shouldn't let that get in the way of us. But nothing changes. He nods and says I know and that's the end of that.

How did you get out of that if you don't mind me asking?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

The blinders sort of gradually fell off my eyes almost four years ago. There was a particularly brutal rejection in which she made it quite clear that she simply didn't care if I was sexually satisfied, that she felt no sense of responsibility for my sexual satisfaction

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
>>I focus my mind and my emotions on the time when my children are adults and I can divorce their mother without doing tremendous harm to them, also freeing myself up to pursue the life I've always wanted.<<

Do you think your wife is aware of this plan, or that she has a plan of her own?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011

A few things popped right into my mind when I read your post.

1st, he has like this and even trying to get pregnant you only did the dead to accomplish the task...why on earth would you bring another child into your marriage when you knew there were issues?

2nd, he works from home, and your at home.