not sure what to do...just need some support I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
not sure what to do...just need some support I guess
30
Tue, 10-11-2011 - 1:19pm

I'm going crazy here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
I agree with all your points except slightly in the first one.Her H didnt try to impregnant her by his choice alone.She was an equal participant .Read this
" In fact the last time we had sex was to conceive our second child and that was planned because I have irregular periods so we did the whole ovulation tests thing and only had sex during my fertile period. "

OP , you have made bad choices and now are making kids as excuses to stay.If you really wanted to leave, you would. Probably he has provided you with a good lifestyle that is hard to leave and then having to work on your own.Its easy to sit home and complain
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011

Well, we both decided to have the children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

No, she's not aware of my plan as far as I know. If she were, she would be making life much harder for me, if not initiating the divorce now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011

I kinda knew that the financial thing may play a role in his sex drive but just wanted to see if there might be other reasons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
More power to you if you can keep going on like that. I still love and want my H, I just don't see how he doesn't want it at all right now. I understand the financial thing and responsibilities and blah blah blah but I just figured he'd want a little sex.

Anyway, I understand why you're doing it for your kids. Staying in the marriage and all. As long as you're civil with her I guess. Does she ever ask you why you suddenly decided to put off sex though?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009

You sound like a very smart woman ( sarcasm )

" Yes we were still planning on have a third whether it's a boy or girl but definitely waiting a little bit more than 16 months and want to get through this financial thing first."

So now you want a 3rd child. Why are you worrying about sex ? Your husband will have sex with you when you are closer to the 16 month mark. Its 8 months ( if I remember correctly from your earlier post ) past and just 8 months more to go .

Geez

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007

It may help you to understand that not everyone experiences a relief from stress through sex. Over the years, I've realized w feels more stress during and after sex (and before sex if she's anticipating it) than without it. Several other LL posters on this board have shared similar feelings. I've come to believe that feeling relief from stress due to sex is an HL characteristic. So your H may just be wired differently than you are when it comes to that. Not his fault and not yours.

Yes, she asks me why I put off sex. And she asks me why it was so "sudden". (Are you sure you're not my w?) I don't think it was sudden. I think we've been building up to it for 26 years. And in the last 3 1/2 years especially, I've been making fairly significant personal changes to deal with the ML alone in the absence of her willingness or ability to resolve it with me. When she brings it up, I remind her that I've never been happy or satisfied with our sex life and since she hasn't participated in any solution to that problem, I'm making changes on my own. I tell her I've taken sex off the table so that we can get along better without the strife over ML contaminating every other aspect of our relationship, especially our ability to parent our children. She asks why we can't go back to the way things were four years ago and I tell her I'm not willing to repeat the misery I went through for the first 22 1/2 years of our marraige--I'd rather switch off my sexuality altogether and have no sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011

Why thank you :smileywink:

I didn't mean anything rude by my reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
I guess I didn't realize that. Thanks.

And sorry for asking so many questions regarding your situation. It just kinda intrigued me that's all.

I didn't know that sex was such a big problem for many couples until I found this website. Many are much more serious than mine so makes me feel a little silly complaining about my problem but thanks for all the info and input. I really appreciate it and feel like I have a better understanding about the issue overall.
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Registered: 01-25-2010

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