occasional lover

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
occasional lover
10
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 9:49am

me and my husband have been together 8 years and married for almost 5. our sex life was great for the first 2 years. He had two heart attacks and six stents put in his heart. We got married a few weeks after he got out of hospital and a few weeks after that we found out i was pregnant w/our now 3 year old daugther. Our sex life has slowly gone down hill. He went to dr about 6 mos ago and found out his testorone levels were low so they put him on liquid testerone and gave him some shots. That helped for awhile, but when it came time to go back to dr he refused and wouldnt refill his medication. Its like he just dont care anymore. He says he does but he wont do anything about it. I parade around in cute outfits for him, tried multiple things to make him want me, but nothing. Im at my breaking point. He'l be 45 in may and i'll be 33 in july. I dont want to divorce him just over our sex life, but i feel like a roommate more than a wife. My self confidence is very low because of it. I've even told him if something dont change I would get it elswhere, he just laughs and tells me Im silly. It's like he dont take me seriously. Ive suggested consuling and he thinks its a waste of time.......idk what to do............any suggestions?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 11:16am

Most likely he was taking a hormone called testosterone.

Goldfish

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 10:52am

Yes the hormone testosterone is what he was most likely taking.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 8:06pm

Lot of health benefits from having sex. Suprising less than 1% would have a heart attack from sex.

He should definitely work with his doctor for anything he wants to do.

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 9:58am
If he has heart problems, he needs to exercise and choose a heart healthy diet. Doing that will get him into shape where sex is not dangerous.

Also, you may need to take a more active role. That way he isn't doing all the work and he has time to catch his breath. Might not be your first preference. But sure beats a heart attack!

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2012
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 5:23pm
Exactly Hold. Men take great pride in knowing that they can perform for their wife, I know DH does. He also had heart problems in the past ( hospitalized once in IC). Scares me though since I am trying to up the frequency in sex and he is edging towards 50, I don't want him to have another episode ever.

My question is, can sex help a man feel healthier even though he has other health problems?
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 9:47am
Get him some meds. If he fears he cannot perform, he will not be motivated to attempt sex, or even kiss or hug in case you start getting "ideas". This can add to the downward spiral.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 6:33pm

Thanks for your incouraging words. We had alittle of a breakthrough this weekend. I got him to watch some porn. That got him horny a little bit,, but when it came down to him performing he couldnt keep it hard. Very dishearting, but he said he'll go to dr, but hes been saying that for weeks. I thinki im going to precede with consuling w/o

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 6:30pm

Thanks.. i think we may have had little of

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 7:26am

I agree, the fact that he laughs it off , doesnt take the issue seriously and to top it up , believes counselling as waste of time , says it all . He DOESNT want to fix it .Sorry to put it out straight like that . I would try to find out WHY . Why doesnt he want to fix something that he knows is an issue.I figure maybe it has to do something with his heart attacks ? Sex can induce heart attacks . If he has had 2 , he may not survive the third .

How is overall intimacy? Is he into gropping , kissing or other sexual stuff ? If he is worried about heart attacks, he could very well satisfy you in other ways . There are more than IC ways to feel sexually satified by your partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Sat, 04-07-2012 - 10:43am
The fact that he doesn't take you seriously says it all. I would recommend you go to counseling without him. That will accomplish two things. It will show him that you are serious and it will help you learn ways to manage the issue.