Old Poster - New Name

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2012
Old Poster - New Name
41
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 1:26pm

Hi Everybody:

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 8:50am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 2:50pm
This is exactly what I have been trying to do. I feel much the same way about my DH as you do your wife. About three years ago I too decided to adopt an attitude of letting it go. Things have been much better overall. No weekly/daily fighting like there use to be. No wondering if tonight things might happen. It is a better place to be. However every once in a while I do feel resentment and loneliness building. It has been over Two years since I have had sex last. I am afraid hat one day this all is going to come boiling over and it will not be pretty. I try to keep it in check. After all I am the one who chose to live like this. I could have left. I have been around for a while too. I don't think 12 years but that might be denial. Welcome back and I look forward to learning anything I can from you.
Jen
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:13pm
Hey MSL, nice to see you. Sorry to hear about the 2 years. Very impressive that you have managed that long without exploding. Kudos to you for accepting your choice. How is your daughter?

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:56pm
She is great. I have to say she is probably the main reason I have been able to survive two years. My DH and I coparent well together. I know I would not do so well on my own. I honestly feel like when we made the decision to adopt her I made the decision that he sex problem was not enough for me to end the marriage over. Knowing that I made that choice, let's me feel like I at least partly controlled my outcome. Of course back then we were having sex.

I think one of the biggest things I am failing at in my acceptance is that I have never found a good distressing substitute. Sex would recharge me and relax me and without that I do feel anxious often. I have not been able to find a suitable substitute for that.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:58pm
Xanax? ...um...well, just a suggestion...I used to call that my "happy pill" and it was a very apt name!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 4:34pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 4:37pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Wed, 04-11-2012 - 10:45pm
It seriously is not about swallowing pride anymore. After two years I have nothing to give in the initiation department. I think I have been so deeply hurt so many times in that area that I cannot get my body in that place anymore. I don't have the desire I once had. I also think If we were to break it and have sex I am back where I was a few years ago . Always wondering when I can initiate again and wondering when the next time will be. I much prefer this to that. My DH also has had problems with ED and I think if I were to just initiate out of the blue and it ended up in one of those episodes I would be ruined. I hear what you are saying about this marriage ending in divorce eventually and I am not disagreeing with you. However I think pushing the issue any farther speeds the divorce up to it being the next couple of years. My child is exactly why I keep it in this zone. She gets her mother and father in one home happy. I push the sex even back to once a month I will no longer be able to maintain. The longer I go without sex I really want it less and less so maybe someday we will actually match.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2012
Thu, 04-12-2012 - 12:38pm

As I had become accustomed in the past, I will ignore Freelancemomma's ascerbic, self justifying posts as irrelevant and counterproductive.

It's important for me to point out that the reason for taking this position is not to find a way to cope with an unsatisfying sex life, it is to reduce the effect that dissatisfaction has on what is mostly a wonderful friendship, marriage and partnership.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 8:13am

You've explained your feelings very well.