Old Poster - New Name

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2012
Old Poster - New Name
41
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 1:26pm

Hi Everybody:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 8:19am

You have done an excellent job of explaining your feelings as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2003
Sun, 04-15-2012 - 4:35pm
I have tried to figure it out. I honestly am not sure he ever was attracted sexually to me or hat he could be sexually attracted to anyone. The part that really gets to me is when the thoughts begin to go to he place where I think no one is sexually attracted to me. So yes for the most part I stopped trying to figure it out. I have accepted that our relationship is not a sexual one. I think that is why I have anxiety and trouble thinking about initiating even once a month. Who really wants to hav sex with someone that doesn't want to have sex with you? Self pleasure is still there. Probably not as frequently as it once was but there is still an urge.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2012
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:35am

In terms of initiation the answer is practically never.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 7:37pm

"I honestly am not sure he ever was attracted sexually to me or hat he could be sexually attracted to anyone."

What was your sexual relationship with him like in the beginning? When did things change? What was his sexual history before meeting you? Do you think he ever even masturbates?

"The part that really gets to me is when the thoughts begin to go to he place where I think no one is sexually attracted to me."

That's sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 7:40pm

"There have been times when she has said that this sort of affection is her way of initiating, but I have not been able to distinguish how her cuddling when she claims it was too intiate differs from the general cuddly way she relates to me in daily interactions that would not be considered appropriate times or places to progress to sexuality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 10:37pm
<>

Yes, for the most part, but only because I've been "enlightened" by what I've learned on this board. I definitely wasn't ok with that before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 8:20am

"Who really wants to hav sex with someone that doesn't want to have sex with you?"

That's how I feel, but from what I understand from this board, this aspect of ML is more difficult for women than for men. Men, please correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you okay with having sex with your wives, even when you get the distinct impression that they're "taking one for the team"?

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I intensely dislike the framing of these kind of questions because I think it's presuming the answer the person perhaps "wants" is or being done with an ideological bent as unfair argumentation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 04-22-2012 - 7:09am

Magnaniman,

I believe you've mentioned lately that your ML situation is much better these days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Sun, 04-22-2012 - 7:17am

"I intensely dislike the framing of these kind of questions..."

I apologize for my insensitivity, unfairness, and wreckless behavior--and for my "vexed question"--but not for ruffling your feathers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 04-23-2012 - 9:31am
TG, it's been better for a while now. There's not much new to report other than what I've said before many times. It's a work in progress requiring constant care and vigilance. I do my best to not pressure her or burden her with high expectations and she does her best to make sure we don't go too long between sessions. So while we are still far from my ideal in terms of frequency and intensity, her effort makes it much easier to accept what she is willing and capable of giving now, with the shared hopes that we can continue to improve on it.