Please help... I want this to work out!
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|Tue, 04-28-2009 - 2:33am|
I love my boyfriend of 5 years. However he has very low libido. I have average/HL. I am crazy about him, and I don't know what to do because I crave for the union of him and I, that connection and feeling special... I feel so not sexy anymore because of this and it's starting to worry me if I can put faith in myself and our relationship. We are both in our twenties, so naturally doesn't that mean my boyfriend's LL would keep decreasing even more? Mine seems like going up everyday... especially near him!
We actually talked about this issue many times and at one point we almost broke up, but somehow in my heart I couldn't... because I wasn't sure if I could go on without him. I can't imagine loving any other person other than him. We look like a perfect couple on the outside but we are in pain and need help.
With that said, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend was a psycho - she used him for sex, making him have intercourse everyday, even when he didn't want to. He wanted to wait till marriage but she insisted on having the intercourse everyday. She ended up pregnant, but without telling him she took matters into her own hands, aborting their baby. She cheated on him eventually and he ended the relationship. I think he is still suffering from the guilt from this traumatizing experience.
In the beginning when we started going out everything was wonderful, my boyfriend and I had regular sex 2-3 times a week and enjoyed each other a lot. However, although with some fluctuations it has decreased over the years. Last year, we went on a trip and I was hoping he would initiate sex, but he didn't at all. I was hugely disappointed, since we hadn't engaged in any sex for almost 6 months!
I felt like we were just "friends" and sometimes felt that we were more like siblings than lovers. He likes to cuddle, kiss, but not much more than elementary school level.
Now, I feel lucky when we have sex once a week or even month, usually I try not to initiate sex anymore since he doesn't seem to like it and I remind him of his ex-girlfriend. When we talked about it he said he enjoys it but he scoffs at the notion that sex should be a "priority" and "made time for". He thinks it should only be "spontaneous" - which basically means whenever he wants it, not I. I was shocked to find out that he doesn't think sex as a necessity in a relationship. However, after many talks I think he realizes that it's important to me and trying hard to improve his health/libido, but I felt that we need counseling to overcome scars from our past relationships, mainly his traumatizing experience with his ex-girlfriend's abortion. I believe that he associated sex with bad things, and associated my initiating sex with his ex-girlfriend, thus not wanting it much anymore. And maybe he naturally has LL...
We are thinking of getting engaged and I really need us to work this out, but not sure how! My boyfriend doesn't seem to agree with going to counseling so I don't know what to do. I would reallly appreciate advice. Thanks!
Edited 4/28/2009 2:42 am ET by aiwoejadsfk