Quality verses Quantity?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Quality verses Quantity?
73
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 1:23pm

One sometimes aussumes too much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 5:05am

Probably the arousability is an important element.

For DW, I do believe that, at least sometimes, the experience is extremely pleasurable and the quality (emotional quality) is good.

However, it is ultimately discretionary for her, in part because spontaneous arousal (and arousability) is low.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 5:07am

"the fun that comes when things aren't perfect"

A

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 8:00am
freelancemomma wrote:
None of your reasons for refraining from engaging in sex would apply to a LL. When you avoid sex, it's because you fear your WIFE's reaction would get you down. The LL in a ML relationship has no such fear.

F.

Actually, an LL can have the fear that our HL partner's reaction would get us down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 8:47am
freelancemomma wrote:

I stand by my contention that people who arrange their lives so they have very infrequent sex (with a willing partner) do NOT love sex -- either in general or with that partner in particular. They may say they love it, but I don't believe it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:10am
>>Actually, an LL can have the fear that our HL partner's reaction would get us down. Take Mirranda's DH for example, he never seems satisfied no matter what she does. So, if she had an inclination and desire to have sex for herself, it might be that knowing his reaction will be near non-existant or negative might be enough to make her not want to have sex.<< I was going to post this, and then read on and saw you'd done it for me. I think LLs have a lot of fears and anxieties that can influence their enjoyment both during and after. I am always hesitant to initiate, because it causes a row between DH at worst, and at best, he makes fun of me a little. If I initiate, it's always, "well THIS is unusual!" or "what brought this on?" or some other BS comment that makes me feel lousy and drives me to be defensive. So I think about this, and wind up NOT initiating even though I might want to. That is not so different to what a HL feels when they are trying to figure out if "now is a good time" It's anxiety about the response of the partner just the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:38am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:56am
>>Interesting. For me, the intensity of an orgasm has a near-linear relationship with the time since the last orgasm<<

I have about a zillion factors that affect intensity of orgasm, but there is a time since last orgasm factor. As well as time of the month, length of stimulation time, type of stimulation (intercourse, vibrators, g-spot, etc etc) and then undefinable things too. I just never KNOW if I will orgasm at all, or how difficult it will be to get there, or how good it will be when I do. Which is why a lot of times it feels like it's "not worth the bother" because it's not bankable that it will be "great" it may be "meh" or may not be attainable at all. And the process doesn't really do anything for me. For DH the "process" is pleasurable, even if no orgasm is resultant. For me the process is unpleasant, so there you have a HL/LL dichotomy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:03am
FLM, I hope these other posts help you understand how one can love something but not want to do it frequently. It's certainly something I had to learn as part of dealing with my ML situation. Some things are better in theory than in practice and other things are good only under certain conditions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:30am

"I think she believes that makes the orgasm better for me"

How conveniently thoughtful of her.

Like you, this is an untrue statement for me, and the food-tastes-better-when-you're-starving argument has some pretty short limits for me when applied to sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:30am
mirandarr8 wrote:
>>Interesting. For me, the intensity of an orgasm has a near-linear relationship with the time since the last orgasm<<

I have about a zillion factors that affect intensity of orgasm, but there is a time since last orgasm factor. As well as time of the month, length of stimulation time, type of stimulation (intercourse, vibrators, g-spot, etc etc) and then undefinable things too. I just never KNOW if I will orgasm at all, or how difficult it will be to get there, or how good it will be when I do. Which is why a lot of times it feels like it's "not worth the bother" because it's not bankable that it will be "great" it may be "meh" or may not be attainable at all. And the process doesn't really do anything for me. For DH the "process" is pleasurable, even if no orgasm is resultant. For me the process is unpleasant, so there you have a HL/LL dichotomy.

I'm odd in that frequency between or amount of stimulation to get there doesn't change thequality of the orgasm I have on any real level.

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