Quality verses Quantity?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Quality verses Quantity?
73
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 1:23pm

One sometimes aussumes too much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:39am

It doesn't really matter if I've had one a day for six weeks or none for six weeks, my O's are reliably "nice".

Sometimes I get so tired of being "sexually abnormal".

Doesn't sound abnormal to me, at least, DW has said the exact same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:39am
>>It doesn't really matter if I've had one a day for six weeks or none for six weeks, my O's are reliably "nice". <<

If it makes you feel any better, I'd take "reliably nice" over incredibly complicated and not reliably anything at all. The whole "we're not going to get there no matter what we do, and we've been trying for 20mins, and can we please just give it up" makes life miserable for everyone. And now that's how it is for DH and for me, which just plain out SUCKS! We work on him for 20 mins, we work on me for 20 mins, no one gets an orgasm, and I'm tired and frustrated and feeling defective and inept.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:49am

I don't know if it's any kind of

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:58am
<>

I admit the concept is still hard for me to grasp, because if I truly love something i want to do frequently, end of story. It seems like basic human nature to me. The only reasons I may not engage in a loved activity as frequently as I want are 1) it's unhealthy or immoral, 2) I can't afford it, or 3) the opportunity just isn't there. None of these constraints would apply to sex in a loving relationship.

As for "better in theory than practice," that just supports my point that LLs don't love sex in practice. It seems to me that when reluctant sex partners say they love sex when they're doing it, what they really mean is that they love some aspects of it. I believe there are other aspects they don't love, and that these aspects are what push them away from frequent sex.

Sex for LLs is a lot like exercise, IMO. I feel virtuous, healthy and alive when exercising, but also fatigued, sore and bored. I've never loved an exercise session with no reservations or conflicting feelings. That's what I'm talking about.

F.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 11:09am
>>I don't know if it's any kind of consolation for you, but your description of the torture of being "required" to have an orgasm you don't want or aren't seeking has internalised in me, so that it has helped our situation a lot I think. Because I take my cue from what DW wants, and dynamically, and neither of us have major expectations or "requirements" about that to qualify what "success" means, it makes it more relaxed and pleasurable whatever happens (and probably more likely to happen).<<

I am glad that my story helped you reach a good place. It is important to note that I no longer live in an "orgasm police state" DH has accepted that I don't want to be that kind of project, and if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't, end of story. It is a great relief to have that pressure off. Good for DH for hearing me about this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 12:28pm

Good for DH for hearing me about this!

Oh, that is

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 1:23pm
We appear to making some progress. I'm recovering a little bit of drive and responsiveness (as we wondered if I might after my giant growth began to shrink.) He is, for his part, doing more to be less rigid in his requirements, and more considerate of my need for sleep as well... I don't know how long either set of blessings will continue, but we shall see
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 8:17pm

"So if I feel like the chances of having a good outcome are low and the barriers to engaging in sex are high"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 8:25pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 8:32pm

"So, are (some) LLs deluded about the reasons behind their aversion to sex or are they dishonest? How can we tell the difference?"

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