Quality verses Quantity?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Quality verses Quantity?
73
Fri, 11-18-2011 - 1:23pm

One sometimes aussumes too much.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:42pm

Okay, so when your W suggests you go out to eat but you don't want to, what do you say?

When I asked my DH last night if he liked sex he said yes. When I asked him why we did it so infrequently, out came the grocery list: you've been sick (I had a cold. I've suggested sex when I've had a fever on other occasions so that's hardly a reason), You've been injured (true I hurt my back last summer but we've had sex since then), then it was a great decay that ended up just this side of too many dust bunnies listening under the bed.

I still can't tell if he's lying to me or lying to himself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 9:51pm

"Okay, so when your W suggests you go out to eat but you don't want to, what do you say?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:19pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 1:12am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 7:32am
mol42 wrote:

And when it's been a

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 7:40am
freelancemomma wrote:
I admit the concept is still hard for me to grasp, because if I truly love something i want to do frequently, end of story. It seems like basic human nature to me. The only reasons I may not engage in a loved activity as frequently as I want are 1) it's unhealthy or immoral, 2) I can't afford it, or 3) the opportunity just isn't there. None of these constraints would apply to sex in a loving relationship.

I believe w does think of a sex within marriage as unhealthy and immoral when indulged in more than the culture considers "normal" (1.5 times per week?) or when the frequency is less than "normal". Because it is, for her, a response to a physical appetite, I believe she considers it--like food--an area in which self-discipline is necessary.

As for opportunities being there: For anything that is an extremely low priority, opportunities are seldom there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 7:41am
mirandarr8 wrote:
It is important to note that I no longer live in an "orgasm police state" DH has accepted that I don't want to be that kind of project, and if it happens, it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't, end of story. It is a great relief to have that pressure off. Good for DH for hearing me about this!

Congratulations! ML

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 7:50am

Yes, I think you're absolutely right that w puts sex in the same category as high-calorie foods. Eating pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving is "normal"; eating it three meals a day is "perverted".

And yes, she also associates over-indulgence in both sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 8:00am
harmlessbunny wrote:

When I asked my DH last night if he liked sex he said yes. When I asked him why we did it so infrequently, out came the grocery list: you've been sick (I had a cold. I've suggested sex when I've had a fever on other occasions so that's hardly a reason), You've been injured (true I hurt my back last summer but we've had sex since then), then it was a great decay that ended up just this side of too many dust bunnies listening under the bed.

I still can't tell if he's lying to me or lying to himself.

How does a person live with himself or herself after marrying someone to whom he or she isn't sexually attracted? He or she has to be convinced that attraction is either unnecessary or

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 8:18am

How does a person live with himself or herself after marrying someone to whom he or she isn't sexually attracted?

Lie.

in our post-feminist world

I wish.

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