Questions for HL Women

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Questions for HL Women
42
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 9:44pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 9:10am
I know I'm not HL, but I used to be, so I am going to selectively answer some of these.

>>8. Does he give oral? If so, is he any good at it?<<

DH loves to give oral. However, he's BAD at it. I don't like the way he does it and he has resisted all attempts at correction, because he believes he is great at it. As a result, I no longer enjoy recieving oral. The same is true of kissing, in some respects. DH has never been comfortable with kissing, we went for years without doing so. He has expressed an interest in it, but I am not interested anymore, because it is so uncomfortable and weird to be doing it after all this time, and because he's bad at it.

>>9. Does he seem to enjoy receiving oral? If not, have you stopped giving it, or do you give it anyway--not for his pleasure but for yours, perhaps? (This question is for all women: is his pleasure the only pleasure you receive from giving oral, or do you simply enjoy giving oral, whether or not he seems to enjoy it?)<<

I used to enjoy giving oral very much with men before my DH. Most men went wild for it, and it made me feel good, powerful, sexy, sexually-accomplished etc to give and drive a man wild. DH is very unresponsive, although he claims to like oral. He just lies there. It takes forever to bring him to an orgasm and my jaw and neck wind up very very sore. Additionally he used to be quite critical of my technique, so I no longer feel good about giving oral.

>>10. Is he very adventurous sexually? Will he try different places and different positions? Does he like using sex toys?<<

He is much more adventurous than I am at this point.

>>11. Is he occasionally HL?<<

I'm going to flip this one. He is never LL. Even if we are in a dry spell he is still HL, he's just sublimating it for one reason or another.

>>12. Do you consider him to be sexually immature? (Does he refer to sexual appendages by using babyish names, i.e.?)<<

He is not necessarily sexually immature, but he is emotionally immature at times. It is definitely a problem when I feel like he's being immature.

>>13. Does he suffer from ED or premature ejaculation or any other such problems? If so, do you think that could be a big part of why he's LL?<<

yes, he's been suffering from ED for YEARS. He spent a lot of that time blaming it on me, criticizing my technique, etc etc etc. He never let it affect his desire, he's been HL the entire time, even if it wasn't working right. Can you imagine the stress that brought me? He never has acknowledged that.

>>14. Are the two of you emotionally intimate? Does he share his thoughts and feelings with you?<<

Yes, he does share everything with me. However, I am prone to hold back with my own thoughts and feelings, for two reasons. 1. I am just much more self contained than he is. 2. He is very judgemental, and sometimes I don't want to defend my feelings to death. Feelings aren't up for debate, they are what they are, but he has never understood that.

>>15. Out of bed, is he physically affectionate with you?<<

Sometimes. He is much more phyiscally affectionate when he is sexually satisfied. And that satisfaction doesn't even have to come from me. If he's getting it elsewhere, he definitely is more affectionate and kinder and sweeter to me. I think it might be guilt, but ultimately I like it. I think this is interesting because my dad was abusive when I was growing up, and afterwards he was always nice, took me shopping, to lunch, to the movies. Maybe I'm replaying that on some level now.....

>>16. Have you considered that you can't change him? If so, have you asked yourself if you can live with him the way he is?<<

Yes, I have known since the beginning that the only person whose behavior I can control is me. That is part of what drove me here. Not looking to fix him, but to fix me. Now I know that I don't need "fixing" we just need to find a middle ground. It's a work in progress.

>>but I tend to think that--in general--women are nurturers, so LL women will have more sex than they want in order to nurture their relationship with their HL partner. However, I also tend to think that LL men are embarrassed that we HL women want more sex than they do, and they simply want to ignore the whole problem and hope it goes away. I don't think we can change them. I think we just have to accept them the way they are and quit badgering them to have sex that they don't want to have with us--or leave.) <<

I think this is fairly astute. But you must also realize that it is much simpler for a LL woman to "give" sex when she doesn't want it, because there is not a hydraulic problem to overcome. Men are often very hung up on their erection or lack thereof, thusly bringing additional pressure/anxiety/stress/avoidance to the LL man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 10:08am

Let me do some cross-dressing so I can comment on your last para...

LL women will have more sex than they want in order to nurture their relationship with their HL partner.

I wish you could have told my W that back in the bad-old-days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
Thu, 10-13-2011 - 11:37am

Hah, I never knew there were so many of us out there as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 11:35am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 8:25pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 8:42pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 8:53pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Fri, 10-14-2011 - 8:58pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 5:10am

"this person that makes us feel...."

Being picky again, but perhaps you could do some work on that statement::

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 10:24am

<< Once, when the kids were gone for the night, my H was lying on the couch watchingTV, and I put on some sexy lingerie and gave him a French kiss good night and then went to bed, alone.

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