This so sucks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
This so sucks!
22
Fri, 07-04-2008 - 10:32pm

This is mainly a vent because I am sure you all know how it is.

It sucks being in a loving relationship with no sex. We cuddle, are affectionate, lie on top of each other, give massages but no sex. Not even once. I jokingly told him last night that I was going to put a leg lock on him (we are both martial artists) and keep him overnight next time. I honestly think he is afraid to take it to the next step. Been dating him over a year and a half. Exclusively for the last few months and we have not slept together once. Been close a few times but not yet there.

AARRGGHH!

Laurie

anonymous

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 1:13am

Sorry, if others know more specifics about your story than I, but have you either asked hi

Wishing you good luck today, and great pleasure in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 1:48am

Hi I’m lurking from another area of the village that I would call the 'actively sexed side'. How did I find myself over here, well I noticed several people were referred to this board, so I decided to check things out. I was lurking all day (4th) and I must say I am shocked, appalled and speechless at what I have read. I had no idea of the effects of LL and the unhappiness and frustration that it really caused. I must say that I had a partner in the past who was LL and he did everything he could to insult my libido and sexuality; however, I never allowed myself to be drawn into that quagmire because I knew there was nothing wrong with me.



However, I must admit it was rather frustrating and to top it off he was never sensitive to my needs. It was a long distance relationship so you would think that the times we saw each other he would make it fulfilling, oh no. I got so frustrated one day that I told him, if he doesn’t get the job done, I was going to cheat, not while we were apart but while he was around, because I was not going to be satisfied with his half-ass attempts, I would need someone to finish up when he wouldn’t. Well he did make a few half-hearted attempts, but I don’t think he ever took me seriously.



Many years ago when I was on the pill it did devastate my libido, however maybe its just how my brain works (I think I am hardwired to enjoy sex despite whatever), I still enjoyed the intimacy and would still mentally chase that intensity and passion that I remembered I used to experience from my encounters. You may ask how is that LL? Well, I had a fewer sexual thoughts, no urges but when the situation presented itself I was still eager to participate.



I know some girls who were brought up to believe that sex was a dirty obligation and I know that they can’t be the only ones who were raised like this. I do hope that those who are victims of LL and have kids, will teach their kids to view sex as an important and integral part of a healthy relationship. Ever since I discovered that some people unfortunately are sexually dysfunctional, I have been an advocate for sex before marriage and marriage counseling by non-religious professionals, this board has single-handedly energized my mission. Its not fair to bait and switch, there are laws against it in everyday life, there should be a law to protect spouses in marriages also. After reading many of the personal accounts I wish I could wave a wand and fix everything. My hope is that one day, there will be no one posting on this board. Everyone deserves a satisfying fulfilling sexual relationship.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 8:36am

Have initiated and asked. Came close two times but there were reasons why we stopped. But no interest from him since then.

LA

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 9:23am

{Hugs} Vent away!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 4:56pm
Are you really sure you want to continue this relationships? I don't mean to sound pessimistic but I doubt there's a switch you can flip that's going to make him comfortable with having sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 6:04pm

Yeah that is what I am considering. Continue or not. Its a hard decision to make after you've already fallen in love.

Laurie

anonymous
Avatar for moondesert
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 7:56pm
Can he explain his reasons for not wanting sex? Have you ever seen him naked/orgasm or participated in non-intercourse sexual activities with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 8:03pm

Never seen him naked. Our one sexual encounter ended prematurely. Before we got all the clothes off. He could be self conscious. Although it was headed toward intercourse.

Laurie

anonymous
Avatar for moondesert
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 8:58pm

Are you certain he's got a full working anatomy "downstairs"? Could he have had an accident, been born with some sort of congenital disorder, or had a medical issue? For example, I once dated a man who had had an injury to a testicle and had to have it removed. He was very self conscious about only having one testicle. Perhaps something like this is the case?

Or, and I mean this question with partial humor and partial seriousness, are you certain that he is a genetic male and not a transgendered woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Sat, 07-05-2008 - 9:09pm

Ok this is getting weird. No I dont know for certain about his anatomy. I havent seen it but I have felt it and it all feels like it is there. I am 100% certain he was born a man. lol. I think he is self conscious about his body and he is guarded about his feelings. My analogy...he is an orange. Has a sweet soft inside and a peel that I am slowly peeling off and getting to know the man inside.

He is not the leader type. He likes me to take the lead and be assertive. I think it he and I were ever to have a physical relationship it will be up to me to initiate it.

If it were as easy as 'dump him and move on' then there would not be a mismatched libido board. I love him and for now I am hanging on. But then I tend to do that. Hang on to relationship until the bitter end.

Laurie

anonymous

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