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|Tue, 02-03-2009 - 12:44pm|
I am glad I found this site as I feel much less alone.
I would appreciate any advice or thoughts. I am 35, he is 40, and we have been going around the same argument of me having the HL. What bothers me the most is he said sex used to be a high priority but now it is not. He said last week he could probably go the rest of his life without it, and when he said that I felt a deep sense of hopelessness that we will not work out. We are engaged and I told him this weekend I am committed to him but have doubts we will be able to work through this. Which led to a painful discussion.
He says he doesn't think about it and it isn't a priority for him. When we have sex it is good, he says he enjoys it and I feel he does. He tells me when I talk about it he feels pressured which turns him off. I asked him what I could do- he says he will let me know but never gives me ideas (maybe he doesn't know). Lingerie and things like that don't work, neither does innuendo, flirting.
What causes me the most pain is that he is affectionate as far as cuddling and hugs, so I feel like I get some of my needs met but I want to be desired too. And sex/desire is the only thing I feel is really lacking for me, I hate to leave a relationship where we are compatible in other ways "just" because of sex, it makes me feel terrible, yet I know the less we have sex the more resentful I feel, and that damages a relationship.
I guess I wish I just understood why he used to think sex was important and now he doesn't, especially since he knows it is important to me? His answer is that is just isn't something he thinks about.
We went to therapy once and he told him to work on making me feel desirable, which he did once but hasn't made the effort to since. Do you think we should go back to therapy or do you have any ideas? Thank you so much!!!!