A time to hold the tongue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
A time to hold the tongue
10
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 11:29am

After saying what you mean and meaning what you say, is there a time to hold our tongues? Here is one argument for. Maybe you have one against?


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 11:41am

No argument for holding your tongue except to note that I

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Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 12:00pm
Discretion is the better part of valor.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 12:08pm
It's sooo hard for me to hold my tongue sometimes...but I'm learning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 12-23-2008 - 12:26pm

I understand. Mine was a steady progression directly related to my level of frustration. The more I came to hate the negative emotions, the more able I was to bite my tongue.


The good news is - once you see the steady benefits, it becomes both easy and second nature.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 12:00pm
Awwww shucks... I was hoping this thread was going to have something to do with oral sex! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 12:47pm

Hi Glenn,

I see your back. Well here is my take. DW and I did a lot of counseling of the last year or two. Guess what I stopped listening to the counselors! If I heard one more counselor tell me that I deserve to be happy and that I need to work on communicating that to DW I'll choke them.... I gave up trying to communicate that and refuse to talk about what I am feeling. Subsequently DW and I fight a hell of a lot less. I have become more acceptant of the cards I have been dealt and have given up trying to fix it. When DW initiates sex I go along with it. I almost prefer to take things into my own hands, all pun intended. I can fantasize and get what I want. She initiates sex when she feels its been a while and it should be done, and I go along with it keep the peace.

Funny how the tide has turned and what you learn to live with.

Dirty

Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 1:00pm
Hey,

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 3:11pm

Hey Dirty.


Glad to hear of the improvements on your end.


I know we have heard something to this effect from the LL's on this board but, isn't amazing how we HL's want sex to be a free-will offering and then use extensive coercion to attain it?


Sounds like we both discovered how to let go and found the results to our liking.


Glenn

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2002
Thu, 12-25-2008 - 12:23am

>>>Sounds like we both discovered how to let go and found the results to our liking.

Wish I could agree with you but, it's not too my liking it's just acceptance. Like coming to the realization that I will never be a Pro - Football player or a rock star. Probably won't be a famous actor. It's an acceptance of the path that life has given me. I am not going to have the sex I so much want and desire. Not happy with it but it's time to stop perusing it.

My advise to the HLs in an ML is as follows. Cut your loses while you can. Or come to terms with it. Trying to change it is just to much work and too painful.

Dirty




Edited 12/25/2008 12:25 am ET by dirtymiddleagedman
Where there's marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. Benjamin Franklin
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Fri, 01-02-2009 - 1:25pm

"I gave up trying to communicate that and refuse to talk about what I am feeling."


This saddens me to read this.