Transition to Coping

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Transition to Coping
27
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 11:49am

It's healthier to give up a lost cause than to continue beating one's head against the proverbial brick wall.

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Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 11:58am

A couple of suggestions, with the caveat that none of them has worked for me but they have worked for others and may work for you.


1.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 12:05pm

But I would like to be more content with less, so how do I do that?


Delayed gratification? You can't have Christmas every day, so look forward to it.


Can you think about it, plan ahead & not have to do it right then? Would any thinking of sex just point out that you aren't having it today?


Personally, I enjoy reading & talking about sex, just as a topic. It is interesting. I keep my general interest level up by reading what turns other people on. Sometimes people like some wacked out stuff. But even that is useful to know.


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 2:42pm

What has worked for me to some extent is "reprogramming" my brain to value other forms of intimacy -- such as hugging, kissing, cuddling, even conversation -- more than I did before. The caveat is that you need to have no expectations that these activities will lead to sex!

While this doesn't take the place of sex, it has helped me go longer without feeling anxious and moody. It has helped maintain a more intimate connection without having to rely solely on sex for that purpose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 3:41pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 4:11pm

Might I make a suggestion though, and this is entirely dependent upon how open and playful

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 6:20pm

"Exercise seems like a tricky one, HL people end up with more energy that they wish could be going into bed."

yep that's true. but really really vigourous exercise for a prolonged period of time WILL wear you out - IMO - three hours of biking up steep hills, plus saddle soreness left me not in the mood at all...(though still thinking about sex, at least not physically able to do it so content with LL DH)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 3:44am

I was going to suggest similar.

Photobucket

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 9:49am
Thanks for your respone, it was interesting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 10:10am

This might not work out too well since I need to move away from sexuality involving DW overall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Wed, 06-18-2008 - 10:40am

<<>>


I felt great anxiety when I was approached for sex because my desire for it wasn't like his, which I often mentally compared to a faucet

 

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