Welcome Michele Weiner-Davis!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
Welcome Michele Weiner-Davis!
10
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 4:45pm

Please join me in welcoming the newest expert to the Love & Sex Channel, Michele Weiner-Davis.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 5:06pm

Welcome Michele!


iVillage

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:54pm

Welcome Michele.

CL-RSRosey

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 7:04pm
Ms. Weiner-Davis - I have read your book and it seems to me that you said if nothing works, pleasure yourself. Is that your answer to a sex starved marriage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Mon, 03-21-2005 - 9:56pm

ig-


While it's true that pleasuring yourself is something good to do when your spouse has bailed out on you, it is by no means the only thing you should do.

photoMichele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W.

Director of the Divorce Busting Center

Boulder, Colorado a

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-23-2005 - 6:05am
He has always been LL. It takes awhile for him to get an erection and when he does he loses it when trying to penetrate. He doesn't want me to stimulate his penis in any way and we have tried Viagra but no luck. I am always the initiator or there would be no sex whatsoever. He can live without it. He has been on high blood pressure medications for almost 30 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2005
Thu, 03-24-2005 - 2:43pm
Hello! I'm in my second marriage and I feel like I'm going down the same road again that I did in my first. Once my wife hit her early 40's, her sex drive has gotten lower and lower and I find myself getting frustrated with nowhere to turn. Talking to her about it is difficult for me, because I'm afraid she'll either have sex out of guilt or she'll be angry that I "forced" her into it. I want her to have sex because she wants to, not because she feels she needs to. Sometimes in the past I've felt like when we do have sex its of the type, "lets just get this over with so I can get some sleep" sex. Since its usually been so long since the last time, she usually gets her wish. Then I wake up feeling worse than before. I can see it starting to affect my self image also. While I know its probably not true, I can't help but think maybe its not sex in general that she finds distasteful, but sex with me. I'm afraid that if this continues, my self esteem will be so low that I'll be more apt to stray when someone who does find me attractive is interested. As her sex drive gets lower, she less affectionate as well. She wears more to bed and avoids touching me sexually at all. I'm a very passionate person and I need affection in my marriage, even if it doesn't always lead to sex! I've thought about asking her to go to a doctor to see if its something physical, but how can I convince her? Not eating isn't a problem to someone who has no appetite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 5:37am
Did Ms. Weiner-Davis leave the board?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 8:45am

ig-


It is very common for men who are being treated for high blood pressure to have problems with maintaing erections.

photoMichele Weiner-Davis, M.S.W.

Director of the Divorce Busting Center

Boulder, Colorado a

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 9:23am

Dear Michele Weiner-Davis,

My boyfriend and I met when we were both 32. He had never lived with a girlfriend or been married. Early in our relationship he suggested we live together, get married, buy a house together and have kids (I already have one)...in our future. He also talked of how he liked to have sex often and never wanted to be in a relationship in which he was only able to have sex once a week. We had great sex then, and often.

Now we've been together 2 years, and lived together 1 year. After living together a while, he stopped initiating sex and was viewing porn online and masturbating instead. This brought up problems for me and we've talked about it. He has low self-esteem and thinks he is "a piece of crap".

Now we are not having sex and just being friends because he is unsure of where he wants our relationship to go and he is unsure of his career path. Yet he is still hugging, kissing, cuddling me, calling me "baby", saying he loves me, etc. Could his self-esteem be affecting his drive? He said he is afraid of the future and afraid of failure. He puts off finishing college and it seems now that our relationship can reach the next level, he's scared and backing off. I've read that porn/masturbation can be a way to avoid intimacy or to "treat" one's depression.

I love him and want to stay with him, but he's got to want me too. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 6:48pm

Welcome Michele Weiner-Davis, I am sure you will be getting thousands of questions on this board but I am glad to be one of your first few. I am young and just recently I have lost my sex drive. I feel bad because my fiance asks if I am still attracted to him and he even mustered up the courage to ask if maybe I was cheating on him. I am not cheating on him and I am still VERY much attracted to him. I feel awful but when he asks me why all the sudden it's gone I don't have an answer for him. What are some reasons your sex drive suddenly drops and what are some things I can do to fix it? It's like I want to have sex but when it comes down to it I am tired or I jsut don't feel like it. I am only 18 and I just don't think this should be happening. Thanks for your help.

Angel_Kisses