Went from wanting it a lot to hardly ever:( to something worse...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011
Went from wanting it a lot to hardly ever:( to something worse...
8
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:13am

Im female, 29 years old, and engaged to be married to a guy who is 28. We've been dating for over a decade now. For the first couple of years that we dated we did not have sex, he was a virgin, I wasn't. but we fooled around. I didn't want him to have sex before he was ready. He was worried about birth control and didn't trust just using condoms. I'd been with two other guys before him but had not had sex all that much considering.

I finally went on birth control (had been nervous about seeing a gyno for the first time) and then we used condoms and started having sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009

....end this relationship (sounds harsh, I know)...there is too much negative to begin a life together of commitment, stress, children, illness....you don't need a reason to break up, you just break up...both of you deserve to be happy and it's apparent that together that's not happening...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
midnightmoon,

You aren't ever going to be able to 'get back" to where you were at the beginning with your fiance. You will never desire, trust or respect him enough to get back there, especially not now that you've had an affair. The reason I know this is that I cheated on my first husband. Once I started getting away with cheating, it was a done deal. I hated him and myself more and more each time. I did the best thing I've ever done by letting him go and giving us both a chance to move on. My ex was a great guy, and he didn't deserve to be put in the position I put him in. He was "destroyed" by my leaving, but he moved on eventually, and he has a nice wife now who loves and respects and appreciates him for who he is, instead of faulting him for it.

You can still do something honorable. It will be hard, but generally the honorable thing is hard. The path to getting back your self-respect and moving on with your life is through the hard stuff, and away from the easy stuff. Good luck with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003

You don't need to end your affair -- you need to end your engagement. Reread your post as if it were someone else writing. Not even married and so many problems? Forget "I love him." The sentiment does NOTHING to resolve major compatibility problems. Do yourselves both a favour and get out now, even if it's painful in the short term. (Not to minimize the pain, but think of how the wound would fester over 20 years.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009

excuse to break things off

Blame us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010

Midnightmoon...deep breath :)

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Please stop beating yourself up.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007

Don't get married when things are already so seriously wrong!